Raj: You can't find a bagel in Mumbai to save your life.

Raj: Oh man, first monster I see I'm gonna sneak up behind him, whip out my wand and shoot my magic all over his ass!
Stuart: Do you hear yourself when you say these things?

Raj: Amy, good luck getting these guys excited about a dinner with a theme. I gave up when no one cared about my Tom Hanks-Giving.

Penny: What do you mean new roommate? What happened to Leonard?
Sheldon: The same thing that happened to Homo Erectus. He was replaced by a superior species.
Raj: I'm the new homo in town.

Mary: He gets his temper from his daddy.
Leonard: Ah.
Mary: He's got my eyes.
Leonard: I see.
Mary: All that science stuff, that comes from Jesus.

Mary Cooper: I'm sorry, did I start that sentence with the words, "If it pleases your highness?"

Sheldon: I read an article about Japanese scientists who inserted DNA from luminous jelly fish into other animals; and I thought "Hey! Fish night-lights".
Leonard: Fish night-lights.
Sheldon: It's a billion dollar idea, ssh!