Mrs. Wolowitz Oh please. You're a tall glass of brown water. Have dessert.

Mrs. Wolowitz I'm not going near that fakakta thing. I'll catch a computer virus.
Howard: You can't catch a computer virus.
Mrs. Wolowitz Oh, so now you're an astronaut and a doctor?

Mrs. Wolowitz Howard, it's the phone.
Howard: I know it's the phone, Ma. I can hear the phone.
Mrs. Wolowitz Well who's calling at this ungodly hour?
Howard: I don't know.
Mrs. Wolowitz Well ask them why they're calling at this ungodly hour.
Howard: How can I ask them when I'm talking to you?

Mrs. Wolowitz It's this dress. When I put my front in, my back pops out. When I put my back in, my front pops out. It's like trying to keep two dogs in a bathtub.
Sheldon: What do you want me to do?
Mrs. Wolowitz We're gonna have to work as a team. Get in here, grab a handful and start stuffing.

Howard: If you don't leave now, she'll use food and guilt to keep you there the rest of your life.

Howard: Honestly, if I could bend that far what would I need with you.
Bernadette: If you could bend that far, you'd be doing both of us a favor.

Amy: What if you could find a roommate who was a scientist and already familiar and comfortable with your ways.
Sheldon: That would be ideal. If a person like that existed, I would sign on, no further questions asked.
Amy: Great. Here I am!
Sheldon: Wait. Here who is where?
Amy: Me. Aren't I your perfect roommate?
Sheldon: Um...
Amy: Think about it, Sheldon. I'm not a stranger, we're both intellectually compatible, I'm willing to chauffeur you around town, and your personality quirks, which others find abhorrent and rage-inducing, I find cute as a button. What do you think?
Sheldon: Um.
Amy: Tell me one reason why this isn't a fantastic idea.
Sheldon: Um.
Amy: See? You can't. I'm gonna go see if Leonard's room is big enough for my water bed.
Sheldon: Um.