Sheldon: Okay, look. It's not really about Ricardo and Tondelaya. It is really about her boss, who doesn't quite know how to handle this situation and could use your advice. Which is surprising because Dr. Einstein von Brainstorm, he's usually pretty smart about these things.

Raj: I don't like bugs, okay. They freak me out.
Sheldon: Interesting. You're afraid of insects and women. Ladybugs must render you catatonic.

Sheldon: Scissors cuts paper, paper covers rock, rock crushes lizard, lizard poisons Spock, Spock smashes scissors, scissors decapitates lizard, lizard eats paper, paper disproves Spock, Spock vaporizes rock, and as it always has, rock crushes scissors.

Sheldon: Why are you crying?
Penny: Because I'm stupid.
Sheldon: That's no reason to cry. One cries because one is sad. For example, I cry because others are stupid, and that makes me sad.

Amy: I have a lab full of coked up monkeys with nothing to lose.

Sheldon: My father used to say that a woman is like an egg salad sandwich on a warm Texas day.
Alex: What?
Sheldon: Full of eggs and only appealing for a short time.

Alex: Is there a problem?
Sheldon: Let's not call it a problem. Let's call it an opportunity. To solve a serious problem.