Howard: Court-martial, shmort-martial, Leslie Winkle is the fifth girl I've ever had sex with. I mean, for free.
Raj: And plus, you got a rapid prototyper. That's an expensive piece of equipment, dude.
Leonard: And the rest of us have had our budgets cut to the bone.
Howard: Okay. One way to look at this is I'm getting new equipment and you're not, and that's unfair. But a better way to look at this is that I'm getting sex and you're not, and that's delightful.

Howard: You know, I'm really glad you decided to learn Mandarin.
Sheldon: Why?
Howard: Once you're fluent, you'll have a billion more people to annoy instead of me.

Howard: I invented a game. Want to play?
Leonard: Sure.
Howard: It's called Emily or Cinnamon. I give you actual quotes I've heard Raj say, and you guess if he was talking to his girlfriend or his dog.

Bernadette: Does your mother call you every day at work to see if you had a healthy lunch?
Howard: My mother calls me every day at work to see if I had a healthy bowel movement.

Howard: [looking at his caller ID] Ooh, looks like I'm gonna have sex tonight. [answering phone] Hey, baby...
Penny: His right hand is calling him?

Penny: What are we gonna do?
Leonard: We? No, no, no. You had your chance to be "we" for like a year and a half now. Right now, you are you and you are screwed!

Leslie: Boy, your heart's racing. I must've really gotten you going.
Wolowitz: Well, it's partly you, partly my transient idiopathic arrhythmia.
Leslie: Sexy.