Sheldon: Your name is Bernatrix. You are a warrior queen. You're strong, beautiful and tall.
Bernadette: Oh. I like the idea of being tall.
Sheldon: I think you're gonna like a lot of things I have in store. For example, in this world, only the men get pregnant, so your husband is home trying not to pee when he laughs.
Bernadette: This is getting fun. What's next?
Sheldon: You're parched and weary from battle. You stand in front of a tavern that serves the coldest, most delicious ale in all the realm.
Bernadette: Oh, I haven't had a drink in months.
Sheldon: What do you do?
Bernadette: I storm in, slam my sword down, and say, barkeep, bring me the strongest ale you have and serve it in the skull of a goblin.
Sheldon: He wants to see I.D.

Raj: I don't like bugs, okay. They freak me out.
Sheldon: Interesting. You're afraid of insects and women. Ladybugs must render you catatonic.

Sheldon: Scissors cuts paper, paper covers rock, rock crushes lizard, lizard poisons Spock, Spock smashes scissors, scissors decapitates lizard, lizard eats paper, paper disproves Spock, Spock vaporizes rock, and as it always has, rock crushes scissors.

Sheldon: Why are you crying?
Penny: Because I'm stupid.
Sheldon: That's no reason to cry. One cries because one is sad. For example, I cry because others are stupid, and that makes me sad.

Leonard: Hey, did you ever think about the military applications for the guidance system?
Sheldon: Of course.
Leonard: Does it bother you?
Sheldon: No, it did at first. But then I talked it through with Frank and Alicia, and they really helped put things into perspective.
Leonard: Who are these people?
Sheldon: Leonard, friends are like toilet paper. It's good to have extras under the sink.

Raj: Yeah, okay, just do me a favor and stop talking about how great Claire is.
Zack: Anything for you, my little foreign friend.

Raj: Hey, dude, you're killing me with Claire.
Zack: What are you talking about?
Raj: I mean, come on, look at you. You're classically handsome, you've got a swimmer's body. Next to you, I look like me.