Sheldon: The Hell Prawn lunges out of the hot spring. You block it with your shield. Do you attack?
Bernadette: Does it have eyes?
Sheldon: Three giant red ones and they never blink. It's unsettling.
Bernadette: I stab it in the middle eye.
Sheldon: Good choice. Critical hit. Your sword goes through its eye into its tiny brain. With its final dying gasp, it says, "You have reduced me to a pile of sushi. Enjoy me with this packet of soy sauce. Its low sodium. Aaaargh."

Raj: I don't like bugs, okay. They freak me out.
Sheldon: Interesting. You're afraid of insects and women. Ladybugs must render you catatonic.

Sheldon: Scissors cuts paper, paper covers rock, rock crushes lizard, lizard poisons Spock, Spock smashes scissors, scissors decapitates lizard, lizard eats paper, paper disproves Spock, Spock vaporizes rock, and as it always has, rock crushes scissors.

Sheldon: Why are you crying?
Penny: Because I'm stupid.
Sheldon: That's no reason to cry. One cries because one is sad. For example, I cry because others are stupid, and that makes me sad.

Leonard: Hey, did you ever think about the military applications for the guidance system?
Sheldon: Of course.
Leonard: Does it bother you?
Sheldon: No, it did at first. But then I talked it through with Frank and Alicia, and they really helped put things into perspective.
Leonard: Who are these people?
Sheldon: Leonard, friends are like toilet paper. It's good to have extras under the sink.

Raj: Yeah, okay, just do me a favor and stop talking about how great Claire is.
Zack: Anything for you, my little foreign friend.

Raj: Hey, dude, you're killing me with Claire.
Zack: What are you talking about?
Raj: I mean, come on, look at you. You're classically handsome, you've got a swimmer's body. Next to you, I look like me.