Penny: Sheldon, what are you doing with maxi pads?
Sheldon: I have a lady friend who will be staying with me for a few days.
Penny: Oh. What?
Sheldon: I want her to feel at home. I also bought scented soaps, pantyhose, Midol, calcium chews and what is apparently a yogurt specifically designed to regulate the female bowel.
Penny: Wait, wait, hold on, back up. You're having a woman stay with you?
Sheldon: Yes. Why does that seem to flabbergast everybody?
Penny: Oh, no, no, no, no. I'm not flabbergasted. I'm puzzled. Yeah, let's go with puzzled.

Leonard: What am I supposed to do?
Penny: Err, keep your mouth off other women.

Penny: At one point, they had me figure out how to get a banana out of a puzzle box.
Leonard: Wait, Sheldon gave me a banana in a box. He was testing me, too.
Penny: Unbelievable.
Leonard: And how could a chimp even solve that? That was impossible.
Penny: Really? You couldn't get it out?

Sheldon: Woman, you are playing with forces beyond your ken.
Penny: Yeah, well your Ken can kiss my Barbie.

Howard: Are you planning on kidnapping a woman?
Sheldon: Sarcasm?
Howard: Yes, but mixed with genuine concern.

Howard: I have a two-part question.
Sheldon: Go ahead.
Howard: A: Are you kidding? And B: Seriously, are you freaking kidding me?
Sheldon: A: I rarely kid, and B: when I do kid, you will know it by my use of the word "Bazinga".
Howard: So you're saying the two of you are going to be sleeping in the same bed?
Sheldon: Yes. Bazinga.

Sheldon: Pee for Houston, pee for Austin.
Pee for the state my heart got lost in.
And shake twice for Texas.