Howard: Look at you. Willy Wonka would roll you to the juicing room.

Howard: You know, I'm really glad you decided to learn Mandarin.
Sheldon: Why?
Howard: Once you're fluent, you'll have a billion more people to annoy instead of me.

Josh: So, I have to ask, was the robot sexy?
Howard: It was actually just a mechanical hand.
Josh: 'Cause that's all you need, right?
Howard: You are my brother.

Sheldon: Sheldon Cooper does not cry.
Howard: That's true, you'd rust.

Sheldon: Stuart, wait. I do know what it feels like to be left out.
Bert: I know how it feels, too.
Sheldon: All right, this is about me and him; you're not part of it.

Penny: Hey, have you ever heard of the Van Nuys Comic-Con?
Leonard: Yeah, it's a dinky little convention where they sell collectibles and get sad D-list celebrities to appear. Why?
Penny: I got asked to sign autographs there.
Leonard: That's awesome! Is this for Serial Ape-ist?
Penny: Well, it could be for the monkey movie. It could be my hemorrhoid commercial. The list does not go on.

Amy: There's nothing to be afraid of, Sheldon.
Sheldon: The average cork speed is 25 miles per hour. If that is too fast around a school, it is certainly too fast around a kitchen.
Amy: Been 15 minutes. Just sayin'.
Sheldon: Okay, I can do this. Just give me a moment. (Cork pops and Sheldon shrieks) Oh! Mimosas coming up.