Leonard: Buddy, buddy, listen, nothing bad is going on, she just she just didn't want you to know that the work on her apartment was finished a couple weeks ago.
Sheldon: I don't understand.
Leonard: She's enjoying living with you and she didn't want it to end early.
Sheldon: So, she's deceiving me in order to spend more time with me?
Leonard: Yes.
Sheldon: Oh. Well, I feel both flattered and hurt. Like when people say I look like that skeleton from Nightmare Before Christmas.
Raj: Oh my God, that's who you look like.

Raj: I don't like bugs, okay. They freak me out.
Sheldon: Interesting. You're afraid of insects and women. Ladybugs must render you catatonic.

Sheldon: Scissors cuts paper, paper covers rock, rock crushes lizard, lizard poisons Spock, Spock smashes scissors, scissors decapitates lizard, lizard eats paper, paper disproves Spock, Spock vaporizes rock, and as it always has, rock crushes scissors.

Sheldon: Why are you crying?
Penny: Because I'm stupid.
Sheldon: That's no reason to cry. One cries because one is sad. For example, I cry because others are stupid, and that makes me sad.

Sheldon: Oh, I don't mind, I'm very good at complaining. If it were an Olympic sport, I'd complain about what a stupid sport it is and then I'd take home the gold.

Leonard: Superman's gone. My stormtrooper's gone.
Sheldon: Your Klingon word-of-the-day calendar's gone.
Leonard: I'd say "damn it" in Klingon, but that wasn't until next month.
Sheldon: It's "khoo-vakh".
Leonard: Khoo-vakh!

Leonard: Sheldon, this is not a big deal. It's a little white lie, everyone does it.
Raj: Not me, I'm a 100% honest in all of my relationships.
Howard: And how single are you right now?
Raj: Eating-cake-on-the-toilet single.