Raj: I'm the son of a gynecologist. I could be helpful.
Bernadette: It would help if you stopped telling me I have a textbook cervix.
Raj: The polite response is, "Thank you for noticing."

Bernadette: I had a plan. I kept leaving Dove bar wrappers around to explain any weight gain.
Amy: Where did you get empty Dove bar wrappers?
Bernadette: From all the Dove bars I ate! I'm pregnant! Try to keep up!

Stuart: Oh, so she's good enough for Howard but not for me?
Howard: Yeah.
Bernadette: Yeah. Go have weird relationships with your own mother and cousin. This is his turf.

Leonard: You don't go into science for the money.
Bernadette: Speak for yourself. Last month my company both invented and cured restless eye syndrome. Ka-ching, ya blinky chumps!

Penny: We wouldn't even sit in your spot while you're gone.
Sheldon: You're darn right, you wouldn't. No matter where I am, this will always be my spot. Like an embassy in a foreign country, this seat is the sovereign soil of my bottom.

Penny: The new neighbors are weird.

Penny: Do they know why the pipes burst?
Amy: They didn't say.
Leonard: Buildings that have a combination of copper and galvanized steel are susceptible to pinholes and corrosion caused by the mobility of ions in the water. Can't have your head shoved in a toilet as much as I did and not pick up a few things about plumbing.