Penny: Leonard, it's sweet you're excited about this, but it'll be a miracle if one person asks for my autograph.
Leonard: Are you kidding? I once paid $20 for Theo Sassler's signature.
Penny: Who's that?
Leonard: Oh, I don't even know. I just liked his name. Theo Sassler!

Leonard: Penny, as a scientist, my job is to figure out why things happen. But I don't think I'll ever understand how someone like me could get to be with someone like you. You know maybe I don't need to understand it, I just need to be grateful. I love you, Penny.

Leonard: What would you be if you were attached to another object by an inclined plane, wrapped helically around an axis?
Sheldon: Screwed?
Leonard: There you go.

Leonard: My point is, while you're spending all this time on your own, building computers or practicing your cello, what you're really doing is becoming interesting. When people finally do notice you, they're gonna find someone a lot cooler than they thought. And for those of you that were popular in high school, it's over, sorry. Thank you. Congratulations.

Stuart: I also love how you never use swear words.
Sheldon: You know, it turns out, you can hurt people just as well without 'em.

Sheldon: Stuart, wait. I do know what it feels like to be left out.
Bert: I know how it feels, too.
Sheldon: All right, this is about me and him; you're not part of it.

Sheldon: So until Amy's apartment is fixed, she and I are living here together.
Bert: I lived with my old girlfriend. She was a geologist, too.
Amy: Things didn't work out?
Bert: I came home from work one day and she had taken everything. I'm warning you, hide your good rocks.