Bernadette: Thank you again for cooking. It's getting tough for me to be on my feet all day.
Stuart: You just kick back and relax; I've got it all under control.
Raj: Although it was already under control.
Stuart: I'm sorry, you mumbled something?
Raj: It's just that they've had plenty of help.
Stuart: Well, you know what they say. It takes a village.
Raj: Well, they already had a village.
Stuart: I noticed the village couldn't find time to put the crib together.
Raj: Yeah, well, maybe the village was too busy checking out the local Montessori school for the new arrival.
Stuart: You mean the one with the empty beer bottles in the sandbox? We'll pass, thank you.

Stuart: Oh, Sheldon, I'm afraid you couldn't be more wrong.
Sheldon: More wrong? Wrong is an absolute state and not subject to gradation.
Stuart: Of course it is. It's a little wrong to say a tomato is a vegetable, it's very wrong to say it's a suspension bridge.

Howard: Hang on, I know a place where you could you stay and earn some money at the same time.
Stuart: Great!
Howard: I just have to warn you: it will involve humiliation, degradation and verbal abuse.
Stuart: So, what's the catch?

Bernadette: Hey, Stuart.
Stuart: *startled* Hey.
Bernadette: Sorry, did I startle you?
Stuart: Yes, but at this point pretty much any customer does.

Sheldon: It's not my fault I'm bad at sharing; I skipped kindergarten.

Sheldon: If it's like your 3-D chess game, then you're out of your length, width and depth. Amy, get the Neosporin, somebody just got burned.

Raj: Hey, this pregnancy had an emotionally-needy third wheel way before you came along.