Sheldon: You don't see it, do you? We're losing her.
Leonard: Okay, I'm going to make this very simple for you. You are not in this relationship, I am. Ergo, you have no say in anything that happens between me and Stephanie.
Sheldon: I'm afraid I can't allow that. Pursuant to Starfleet General Order 104 Section A, you are deemed unfit and I hereby relieve you of your command.
Leonard: General Order 104, Section A does not apply in this situation.
Sheldon: Give me one good reason why not.
Leonard: Because this is not Star Trek.

Stuart: Oh, Sheldon, I'm afraid you couldn't be more wrong.
Sheldon: More wrong? Wrong is an absolute state and not subject to gradation.
Stuart: Of course it is. It's a little wrong to say a tomato is a vegetable, it's very wrong to say it's a suspension bridge.

Howard: Hang on, I know a place where you could you stay and earn some money at the same time.
Stuart: Great!
Howard: I just have to warn you: it will involve humiliation, degradation and verbal abuse.
Stuart: So, what's the catch?

Bernadette: Hey, Stuart.
Stuart: *startled* Hey.
Bernadette: Sorry, did I startle you?
Stuart: Yes, but at this point pretty much any customer does.

Sheldon: *knock knock knock* Leonard? (x3)
Leonard: What, Sheldon!? What, Sheldon!? What, Sheldon!?
Sheldon: Tell me what you see here.
Leonard: The blunt instrument that will be the focus of my murder trial?

Sheldon: I would ask you to find some way to suppress your libido.
Penny: I could think about you.
Sheldon: Whatever works.

Raj: Ooo.
Penny: What's the matter, Lassie? Did Timmy fall down the well?