Sheldon: Howard?
Howard: Wow. Uh, Stan Lee, or you in court? Uh, if this was Sophie's Choice it would've been a much shorter movie. No.

Howard: You know, I'm really glad you decided to learn Mandarin.
Sheldon: Why?
Howard: Once you're fluent, you'll have a billion more people to annoy instead of me.

Bernadette: Maybe we should get one of those machines to help her up the stairs.
Howard: You mean a forklift?

Sheldon: Sheldon Cooper does not cry.
Howard: That's true, you'd rust.

Sheldon: Good Morning your honor, Dr. Sheldon Cooper appearing in pro se - that is to say representing himself.
Judge: I know what it means, I went to law school.
Sheldon: Yet you wound up in traffic court.

Sheldon: *After just being jailed, at the biggest guy in the cell who's sitting on a bench* That's my spot.

Sheldon: That's the toilet?
Policeman: Well, it ain't a wishin' well!
Sheldon: Please tell the judge I'm ready to apologize.