Leonard: Hey, we're all going over to the Apple store to make fun of the guys at the Genius Bar. You want to come?
Sheldon: Oh, I always enjoy that, but I'm a little busy.
Leonard: What are you doing?
Sheldon: I'm simplifying the task of packing for our trip. See, by attaching RFID tags to my clothing, it will enable my laptop to read and identify the items with this wand. I will then cross-reference them against destination, anticipated activity spectrum, weather conditions, duration of trip, et cetera.
Leonard: Well, that does sound much simpler. How long is this going to take?
Sheldon: Assuming I can keep up this pace, three hours, 11 minutes. Plus however long it takes to conclude this fairly pointless conversation.

Raj: I don't like bugs, okay. They freak me out.
Sheldon: Interesting. You're afraid of insects and women. Ladybugs must render you catatonic.

Sheldon: Scissors cuts paper, paper covers rock, rock crushes lizard, lizard poisons Spock, Spock smashes scissors, scissors decapitates lizard, lizard eats paper, paper disproves Spock, Spock vaporizes rock, and as it always has, rock crushes scissors.

Sheldon: Why are you crying?
Penny: Because I'm stupid.
Sheldon: That's no reason to cry. One cries because one is sad. For example, I cry because others are stupid, and that makes me sad.

Sheldon: She calls me moon-pie because I'm nummy-nummy and she could just eat me up.

Leonard: Well, it looks like you're caught between a rock and a crazy place.
Sheldon: I hate when that happens.

Sheldon: No one calls me Moon Pie but Meemaw.