Sheldon: All right, now, before you enter my bedroom unescorted, I need you to understand that this onetime grant of access does not create a permanent easement. ... Easement. It's a legal right of access. ... Good grief. What? No, don't put me on hold. Aw.

Raj: I don't like bugs, okay. They freak me out.
Sheldon: Interesting. You're afraid of insects and women. Ladybugs must render you catatonic.

Sheldon: Scissors cuts paper, paper covers rock, rock crushes lizard, lizard poisons Spock, Spock smashes scissors, scissors decapitates lizard, lizard eats paper, paper disproves Spock, Spock vaporizes rock, and as it always has, rock crushes scissors.

Sheldon: Why are you crying?
Penny: Because I'm stupid.
Sheldon: That's no reason to cry. One cries because one is sad. For example, I cry because others are stupid, and that makes me sad.

Sheldon: She calls me moon-pie because I'm nummy-nummy and she could just eat me up.

Leonard: Well, it looks like you're caught between a rock and a crazy place.
Sheldon: I hate when that happens.

Sheldon: No one calls me Moon Pie but Meemaw.