Leonard: I'm going to get some fries. You want anything?
Penny: Uh, no, thanks.
Leonard: Are you sure? Because you always say no, and then you eat half my fries.
Penny: I just eat the little crispy ones you don't like.
Leonard: No, I love them. I save them for the end, but they're gone because you ate them. And why did I let you eat them?
Penny: To get sex.
Leonard: Exactly.
Penny: All right, I'd like an order of fries.
Leonard: Great. That'll be five dollars. I am having the best time. I'm so glad you suggested we do this.

Leonard: Penny, as a scientist, my job is to figure out why things happen. But I don't think I'll ever understand how someone like me could get to be with someone like you. You know maybe I don't need to understand it, I just need to be grateful. I love you, Penny.

Leonard: What would you be if you were attached to another object by an inclined plane, wrapped helically around an axis?
Sheldon: Screwed?
Leonard: There you go.

Leonard: My point is, while you're spending all this time on your own, building computers or practicing your cello, what you're really doing is becoming interesting. When people finally do notice you, they're gonna find someone a lot cooler than they thought. And for those of you that were popular in high school, it's over, sorry. Thank you. Congratulations.

Amy: If you're keeping him, I've got a cage you can borrow. One of the test monkeys slipped on a banana peel and broke his neck. It was both tragic and hysterical.

Sheldon: Get back here, you stupid bird, so I can love you.

Penny: Really? On top of everything, you're afraid of birds?
Sheldon: Its called ornithophobia and someday it will be recognized as a true disability, and the landlord will be required by law to put a giant net over the building. Which is unfortunate because I have a fear of nets.