Bernadette: I'll tell you one thing. Lock the door.

Penny: So, you go home and sit alone in a toy house in the backyard?
Bernadette: Yeah!

Penny: Oh, you should have seen him, denying things left and right. It was so sexy. 'Course, I made a request he did not deny.
Bernadette: Uh-huh.
Penny: Are you listening to me?
Bernadette: Yeah, sure. You slept with your husband.

Bernadette: Bad news, Howie. I'm gonna be stuck at work for a while. Oh, that's terrible.
Hang in there. I'll be home as soon as I can. (sighs) He deserves better.

Bernadette: The kids called me Bernadette the marionette.
Sheldon: (laughs) Because you're small. That's funny.
Bernadette: No, it's not.

Bernadette: Can't believe Amy did that.
Howard: Oh, come on. You thought it was funny when I dressed up as Sheldon.
Bernadette: That was totally different.
Howard: How?
Bernadette: That didn't hurt my feelings.

Amy: Maybe Howard could apologize?
Bernadette: You're kidding, right? Sheldon didn't apologize when he said my baby looked like Winston Churchill.
Amy: He loves Churchill. Your son should take that as a compliment.
Bernadette: He said it about my daughter.

Bernadette: How many times has he made fun of Howard for being an engineer? Going to MIT? His magic?
Amy: Sheldon doesn't make fun of his magic.
Bernadette: Well, he should. It's stupid.

Bernadette: Anyway, the point is, Sheldon shouldn't dish it out if he can't take it.
Amy: I think the point is that Howard owes him an apology.
Bernadette: Yeah, well, I think the point is if Sheldon has a problem with Howard, Sheldon should take it up with him. Now, if you'll excuse me, the prime minister of England needs her diaper changed.

Penny: Bernadette, why don't we get to dress up at work?
Bernadette: We used to, but a couple guys in the infectious disease lab went as zombies and it triggered a quarantine. The CDC was so mad.

Penny: So when was the last time you saw Howard in his astronaut uniform?
Bernadette: About a week ago.
Penny: Really? What was the occasion?
Bernadette: Date night. We do a little role-playing.
Penny: What role do you play?
Bernadette: (Russian accent) I am Ykatarina Nazdorovya, lonely Russian cosmonaut who is expert at physics and making love.
Penny: Okay, that just made the next hour really weird.

Raj: And we are fortunate to have one of those men here with us tonight. Please welcome to the Griffith Observatory astronaut Howard Joel Wolowitz.
Bernadette: [fanning herself with the program] Kak horosho.
Leonard: What is she ta-
Penny: Don't ask.

Bernadette: Can you believe these two?
Leonard: (crying)
Bernadette: Are you crying?

Bernadette: You okay? You seem distracted.
Howard: I'm just thinking about Raj.
Bernadette: I'm thinking about Chris Hemsworth.

Howard: He sort of hurt my feelings.
Bernadette: Biceps, hammer, abs. Still in it.
Howard: Why wouldn't he want me to be in his planetarium show?
Bernadette: And it's gone.