Beverly Hofstadter: How did his penis turn out?
Penny: Oh, Beverly. I can't talk to my boyfriend's mother about his penis.
Beverly Hofstadter: Fair enough. What, if anything, can you tell me about that busboy's penis?

Penny: You must be Leonard's mother.
Beverly Hofstadter: Well, I don't know whether I must be, but yes.

Penny: Whew, chilly.
Amy: I think I can see my breath.
Beverly Hofstadter: We can hear you.
Penny: Sorry.
Amy: Sorry.

Beverly Hofstadter: Hello, dear.
Leonard: You called my mother?
Sheldon: Oh, Leonard, is it really necessary to caption the obvious?
Beverly Hofstadter: He's been like that since he was a toddler. Look, Mommy, a butterfly. Maddening.

Beverly Hofstadter: Have you calmed down?
Leonard: No, I'm not calm. You really hurt me.
Beverly Hofstadter: That wasn't my intention.
Leonard: It doesn't matter what you intended. What matters is the way you made me feel. Actually, the way y-you've always made me feel.
Beverly Hofstadter: I see, so you're here to tell me all the ways that I failed you as a mother.
Leonard: Yeah. And get comfortable, 'cause i-it's a long list. [exhales]
Beverly Hofstadter: Is it happening soon?
Leonard: You know what? It doesn't matter. Doesn't matter, you're never gonna change. If I want you to accept me for me, then I guess I'm gonna have to accept you for you. So I forgive you.
Beverly Hofstadter: I didn't ask you to forgive me.
Leonard: Too bad. I forgive you anyway. And I forgive myself for taking so long to do it. Oh, my God, that feels so good.
Beverly Hofstadter: I must admit, it it does feel good.
Leonard: What does?
Beverly Hofstadter: You forgiving me. It means a lot. Thank you.

Leonard: I just don't understand why he knows more about your life than I do.
Beverly Hofstadter: Well, I would assume it's because Sheldon and I stay in touch due to mutual interests and respect, while you avoid me due to unresolved childhood issues.

Beverly Hofstadter: Sheldon informed me that you're experiencing an emotional upheaval, and I'm here to help.
Leonard: That's so nice.
Beverly Hofstadter: And we're back to the obvious. Now, what's up?

Leonard: I'm your son. What about the fact that she's good enough for me?
Beverly Hofstadter: *blank shrug* Sure.

Mary Cooper: You must be very proud of your son.
Beverly Hofstadter: Oh, yes. He recently argued a case before the Supreme Court.
Mary Cooper: He did?
Beverly Hofstadter: Oh, you mean this son. Uh, sure, he's terrific.

Penny: You really think we made a mistake?
Beverly: At the time I did. But I've never seen Leonard so happy, so perhaps I was wrong.

Beverly Hofstadter: Now You've recently moved in with Dr. Fowler, yes?
Sheldon: I have.
Beverly Hofstadter: Clearly, your old room represents an escape hatch, and without it, you're forced to confront the terrifying reality of being trapped in a relationship with Amy forever.
Sheldon: I hadn't thought about that.
Amy: And don't start thinking about it now!
Beverly Hofstadter: Hello, Amy. Your defensiveness may indicate similar insecurities about your relationship with Sheldon.
Amy: That's not true!
Beverly Hofstadter: She said defensively.

Penny: What was he like when he was young?
Beverly Hofstadter: You'll have to be more specific.
Penny: Oh, like five or six.
Beverly Hofstadter: *looks at Penny*
Penny: Five.
Beverly Hofstadter: Oh. Well, at that age he was well enmeshed in what Freud would call the phallic stage of pyscho-sexual development. An outmoded theory, of course, but the boy did spend most of his waking hours with a tight grasp on his penis.

Penny: Beverly, I have to say, it's so nice seeing the two of you get along.
Beverly Hofstadter: Oh, I've always gotten along with Leonard. Of all of my children, he's the most docile.
Leonard: She wrote that in a birthday card once. I keep it in my nightstand.

Sheldon: We discussed it at length during our last video chat. Although how we got on to the subject of you is baffling.
Beverly Hofstadter: Yes, but we are on the subject, so I'm obliged to ask: Leonard, how are you?

Beverly Hofstadter: Yeah, that's a fair point. I hadn't considered your influence. Perhaps tomorrow I could observe the two of you together?
Penny: Uh, "observe"? [laughs] What is going on?
Beverly Hofstadter: I'm just visiting with my son and doing research for my book on how various parenting strategies affected my children as adults.
Leonard: This has all been work to you? Hanging out with me and coming to my lab, I- I thought we were enjoying each other's company, but it was just research.
Beverly Hofstadter: I was enjoying it; you know I love research.