Howard: Okay, I get it. And it's sweet that you're worried about me, but I can take care of myself.
Bernadette: I'm not worried about you. I'm worried about me. I don't want to go through this pregnancy listening to you complain about Sheldon driving you crazy more than you already do.
Howard: Oh, here we go with the ironclad logic again.

Bernadette: You've tried to work with him before. It hasn't gone well. Why is this time gonna be any different?
Howard: Is the fetus helping you? 'Cause that's cheating.

Howard: Can you imagine if we make money with this?
Leonard: If we do, I am splurging on the best sinus irrigator money can buy.
Howard: That old sad story. Guy gets a little money, goes straight up his nose.

Howard: Okay, I gotta ask. Why are you wearing a bow tie?
Sheldon: I've never applied for a patent before. I wanted to make a good impression.
Howard: Oh. Is the impression that your first name is Pee-Wee?

Bernadette: I can't think of anything to say that hasn't already been said. So, here's to you, Sheldon.
Raj: Hear, hear.
Sheldon: Thank you, Bernadette. That was perfect.
Howard: What? You gotta be kidding me?

Leonard: Hey, uh, you know, he told a sad story about how his sister tricked him into thinking Batman was coming to his party.
Howard: That's funny. Let's do that.

Howard: I love you. And I'm not just saying that because your breasts are gonna get bigger.

Howard: I'd like to dedicate my last song of the evening to my wife, best friend, and now the mother of our child. I love you, Bernie.
"Havin' my baby / What a lovely way of sayin' / How much you love me / Havin' my baby / What a lovely way of sayin' / What you're thinkin' of me"

Howard: Oh, my God, and do you have any idea how expensive having a kid is?
Raj: I read that in Los Angeles, raising a child through college can cost over a million dollars.
Howard: A million dollars? God, it's like my nuts just kicked me in the nuts.

Howard: I shouldn't be raising a kid. I don't even eat my own vegetables.

Leonard: Buddy, I think you might be overreacting.
Howard: And then there's this nose. I mean, what if he looks like me? Or worse what if she looks like me?

Howard: Morning.
Bernadette: Morning.
Howard: "We"? What is this?
Bernadette: I don't know. Maybe it says something on the back.
Howard: "Continued on milk." If you're tricking me into making my own breakfast, it didn't work for my mom, and it won't work for you.
"Are."
"We are ... see spoons for more."
Bernadette: What could it be? "We are Groot?" "We are the champions?" "We are family, I got all my sisters with me?"
Howard: Are you serious?
Bernadette: Yeah.
Howard: Are you sure?
Bernadette: Pretty positive. That's a joke, because the pregnancy test says-
Howard: Oh, my God. This is incredible.
We're gonna be parents.
We're gonna get to board planes first.
We're finally gonna get to see what's in that family bathroom at the mall.

Howard: Oh. I mean, how do you prepare for something like this? I'm not even sure I've held a baby before.
Bernadette: Oh, it's okay, you'll figure it out.
Howard: But how's this all gonna work? Do we get a nanny? I mean, can we afford a nanny? And if we can, we can't get a pretty one, 'cause it'll wreck our marriage.
We can't get an ugly one, 'cause it'll scare the kid.
Bernadette: I don't know, Howie.
Howard: Are we in a good school district? You're Catholic, I'm Jewish. What religion do we raise it? And if it's a boy, do we get him circumcised? People say it's barbaric, but if we don't, it looks like a pig in a blanket.
Bernadette: Calm down, it's gonna be okay.
Howard: How's it gonna be okay? Look at me, I'm a mess. And that means this baby's gonna half a mess. And that's even before we screw it up with our cut-rate moderately attractive nanny.

Howard: He's not showing any symptoms. I guess I'll just go to the emergency room to be safe.
Bernadette: Howie, this is just your hypochondria.
Howard: No, when I sat on the mute button and thought I'd gone deaf, that was my hypochondria.

Howard: Should we name him?
Bernadette: It is Valentine's Day. How about Valentino?
Howard: Nice. A classic rabbit name. Peter Rabbit, Roger Rabbit. Valentino Wolowitz Rabbit.
Oh, look at all that chest hair and overbite. Of course you're a Wolowitz.