Howard: When you say making it work, does that include doing the cyber nasty?
Leonard: What?
Howard: You know, the virtual pickle tickle. The digital bow-chacka-bow-wow.

Raj: Come on dude, that's my sister you're talking about.
Howard: Hey, Leonard jiggling his junk at her through a webcam has got to be easier for you to deal with than him actually touching her with it.

Howard: Well, if you don't, you're gonna lose Priya to some fancy guy in a turban who grew up with Kama Sutra coloring books.
Raj: How can you be so racist?
Howard: Oh, come on, tell me I'm wrong.

Raj: This is fun. I've never used a hydraulic thermoforming press before.
Howard: Pretty sweet, huh? This little baby set the university back 175 grand.
Leonard: That's three minutes. Should we see what we got?
Howard: Hang on.
Raj: Oh, yeah. This is one good-looking panini.
Howard: Hand me the tuna melt.

Raj: I'll try it. Like this?
Howard: Almost. Really get your tongue in there, to activate the motion sensor.
Raj: Like this?
Howard: Close. Really French it.
Raj: Better?
Howard: Yeah, you got it, you got it.
Raj: I'm impressed. This is very lifelike.
Howard: Whoa! You just bit my tongue!
Raj: I, I nibbled. I was being playful.
Howard: Why do you have to make everything weird?
Raj: Sorry. Better?
Howard: Oh, yeah.

Bernadette: You're a putz. Do you what that means?
Howard: Yeah. Do you?

Priya: Indian parents are very protective of their children.
Howard: Right. Whereas Jewish mothers take a casual la-di-da approach to their sons.

Leonard: Does your family have a history of heart disease?
Wolowitz: My family is the history of heart disease. There's a cave painting in France of one of my ancestors doing this. *Mimics heart attack*

Wolowitz: Have you told your parents you're dating this short glass of skim milk?

Sheldon: Zandor, wizard of the north. Ha! I win!
Howard: If you skip the part about under a two week quarantine because you were exposed to a deadly disease, absolutely.

Priya: Hey, have you and Howard started planning your wedding yet?
Bernadette: Yeah. Were thinking of having it on a cliff overlooking the ocean.
Howard: Nothing soothes those pre-wedding jitters like the thought of falling and drowning.

Leonard: What did your mother say when you told her you were getting married?
Bernadette: He hasn't told her yet. He's waiting for the right time.
Howard: I was thinking of weaving it into her eulogy.

Howard: Okay, the Eagle has landed.
Leonard: What's going on?
Howard: Bernadette and my mother are having a get-to-know-you lunch at the Old Town Deli.
Raj: Oh, that sounds lovely.
Howard: Hope so. Of course, if history is any indication, my mother will swallow her whole and spit out her bones like an owl.

Leonard: Have you met Bernadette's parents?
Howard: You mean Adolf and Eva? Not yet. One goose step at a time.

Howard: What can I tell you? After I found the courage to put her pants back on, I was unstoppable.