Howard Wolowitz Quotes Page 1 of 68

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Quote from the episode The Bow Tie Asymmetry

Howard: Hey, uh, the bride and groom seem to be running a little behind. Do you think you could stall?
Mark Hamill: Stall? How?
Howard: Hey, everybody! Uh, it's gonna be a few more minutes, but while we wait, does anyone have any questions about Star Wars? *lots of hands go up* You got this.

Quote from the episode The Bow Tie Asymmetry

Raj: W-What is he doing here?
Howard: I found his dog and guilted him into officiating the wedding. Don't tell Sheldon. It's a surprise.
Raj: Wait, I-I thought Wil was officiating the wedding.
Howard: Yeah, so did he.
Raj: How did he take the news?
Howard: I'll let you know.

Quote from the episode The Bow Tie Asymmetry

*Howard answers his front door*
Mark Hamill: Hi.
Howard: I'm gonna need a minute. [closes the door] That's Mark Hamill!

Quote from the episode The Bow Tie Asymmetry

Mark Hamill: Thank you so much for finding this guy. Oh, my goodness. Hey, Bark.
How are you, buddy?
Howard: Y-Your dog's name is Bark?
Mark Hamill: Yeah.
Howard: Bark Hamill?
Mark Hamill: Yeah. Well, I let the fans name him online. I got lucky, though. He was almost Honey Baked Hamill.

Quote from the episode The Bow Tie Asymmetry

Mark Hamill: Anyway, thanks so much. I-I want to give you a reward for finding him.
Howard: (chuckles) Oh, no, I couldn't take your money. It's just an honor to meet you.
Mark Hamill: No. No, please. You don't know what this dog means to me, and I thought he was gone for good. Please? There must be something I can do for you. Anything.
Howard: Oh, you're gonna regret that.

Quote from the episode The Sibling Realignment

Howard: Hey, Bernie. Hey, how do you know if someone has pink eye?
Bernadette: Um, their eye would be red, swollen and probably oozy.
Howard: Okay, thanks. Both kids have pink eye.

Quote from the episode The Jiminy Conjecture

Leonard: It's not a matter of opportunity. We're getting to know each other. There's a learning curve.
Howard: What's there to learn? You get naked, do nasty things to each other, then somebody makes scrambled eggs and salami. Easy peasy.

Quote from the episode The Monetary Insufficiency

Raj: Anyone seen Sheldon?
Leonard: Last time I saw Sheldon was this morning.
Howard: Careful. Don't say his name a third time.

Quote from the episode The Monetary Insufficiency

Sheldon: Ordinary people can't beat a casino, but mathematicians and scientists, they do it all the time. Yeah, a group of students from MIT took Las Vegas for millions, and that's MIT. Howard went there.
Howard: Come on, Sheldon. I'll give you a ride out to the desert right now.
Leonard: No one is going to Vegas.
Howard: No, we weren't gonna make it to Vegas.

Quote from the episode The Monetary Insufficiency

Sheldon: I'm not waiting for the university to come around. I'll find another way to raise the money.
Raj: Ooh, if it's one of those booths where we can throw a pie at you, I'm in for, like, 20 bucks.
Howard: 40 bucks if I can throw a DVD player.

Quote from the episode The Friendship Contraction

Bernadette: Howard doesn't make me do his shopping, or take him to the dentist, or pick up his dry cleaning, right?
Howard: Absolutely. But when Ma's hips give out, you're up, kid.

Quote from the episode The Habitation Configuration

Howard: I remember when I was five, hiding under this desk with all my Halloween candy. Had some Peanut M&Ms, went into my first anaphylactic shock and had to be rushed to the hospital. Came home, celebrated with a Snickers, went into my second anaphylactic shock.
Raj: When did you figure out you were allergic to nuts?
Howard: Sometime around the third Almond Joy.

Quote from the episode The Habitation Configuration

Leonard: Okay. You want to start loading this stuff into the truck?
Howard: Yeah, I guess. Hey, would you do me a favor? Go on ahead. I just want one last moment alone in my old room.
Leonard: We're not standing outside by the U-Haul while you fondle yourself.
Howard: Fine, let's go.

Quote from the episode The Habitation Configuration

Bernadette: Every time we eat dinner here, your mother refuses to let me help with the dishes.
Howard: Don't take it personally. She likes doing them by herself so she can lick the plates with no one looking.

Quote from the episode The Habitation Configuration

Howard: My religion's kinda loosey-goosey. Basically, as long as you got your schmekel clipped and don't wear a cross, you're good.

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