Howard Wolowitz Quotes Page 1 of 77

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Quote from the episode The Solo Oscillation

Howard: (singing) Alone in my temple in the middle of Peru, A giant stone ball with nothing to do,
Raj: But if you steal my idol, I will roll right over you
All: Cause I'm six tons of granite, And micaceous schist. Yeah, I'm six tons of granite, And micaceous schist,
Bert: I'm gonna crush you, I'm gonna mush you, You took my idol, I'm homicidal, Gonna roll over you till your brains come out, And your bones will crunch and your blood will spout! I'm not just a rock, baby. I'm a boulder.
All: Cause I'm six tons of granite, And micaceous schist. Yeah, I'm six tons of granite, And micaceous schist, Yeah, I'm six tons of granite-

Quote from the episode The Killer Robot Instability

Wolowitz: As delicious as the appetizer may be, sooner or later we will have to succumb and eat the entree while its still ... hot.

Quote from the episode The Bath Item Gift Hypothesis

Sheldon: Oh, Penny. I know you think you're being generous, but the foundation of gift-giving is reciprocity. You haven't given me a gift, you've given me an obligation.
Howard: Don't feel bad, Penny. It's a classic rookie mistake. My first Hanukkah with Sheldon, he yelled at me for eight nights.

Quote from the episode The Pork Chop Indeterminacy

Wolowitz: Is it 'cause I'm Jewish, 'cause I’d kill my Rabbi with a porkchop to be with your sister.

Quote from the episode The Stockholm Syndrome

Howard: I was just looking at the map. Couldn't help thinking: we're here and they're there, and if anything happened, we'd have to go here to get all the way back there.
Bernadette: Why are you trying to freak me out?
Howard: This is our vacation. I thought we should do things together.

Quote from the episode The Stockholm Syndrome

Sheldon: All right, bagels down. Before we head to the airport, I'd like to go over a few things.
[others groan]
Sheldon: From the moment we step off the plane, each and every one of you is an ambassador for Amy and myself.
Howard: [to Bernadette] I told you these tickets weren't free.

Quote from the episode The Stockholm Syndrome

Howard: You still feel good about leaving them with Stuart and Denise for a couple days?
Bernadette: I guess. I just hope we don't miss Michael's first words.
Howard: Or Stuart's last words.

Quote from the episode The Change Constant

Bernadette: Why is this article about Sheldon all about you?
Howard: Let me see. Oh, good, they used my NASA picture.
Bernadette: Why does it say that you're his best friend? Leonard's his best friend.
Howard: No. Leonard has always been kind of a monkey butler. Whenever Sheldon got into a scrape, I was his go-to guy.
Bernadette: When did he get into a scrape?
Howard: You're kidding, right? W-- Remember when he had a panic attack 'cause his hand got stuck in a jar of olives? I was the one who told him to let go of the olives.

Quote from the episode The Change Constant

Bernadette: Please, that doesn't make you his best friend.
Howard: You know, that reporter asked me if I could put him in touch with Amy's best friend.
Bernadette: That's Penny.
Howard: [singsongy:] Doesn't have to be.

Quote from the episode The Change Constant

Reporter: Dr. Cooper, can I get a minute of your time? Hello?
Howard: Hey. Can I help you?
Reporter: Uh, yeah, actually. Um, I had an appointment to interview Dr. Cooper about the Nobel.
Howard: Hang on a second. Sheldon? [Howard enters Sheldon's office, finds him hiding behind his desk and shaking his head] Sorry, he's not here.
Reporter: Damn. I've got a deadline.
Howard: I don't know if it helps you at all, but I'm his best friend in the whole world.
Reporter: Really?
Howard: And an astronaut. Come on, you can buy me a cup of coffee, and I'll tell you about both.

Quote from the episode The Change Constant

Howard: Did anyone get to slap Sheldon?
Leonard: No.

Quote from the episode The Maternal Conclusion

Howard: Raj! Stop! [panting]
Raj: What? What are you doing here?
Howard: Look if you're getting on that plane because you love Anu and you can't stand the thought of spending another day without her then go. If not then stay here with the people who love you.
Raj: But what if this is my last chance at marriage and family?
Howard: I promise you it's not. Believe me, somewhere out there is a woman who loves cooking shows and sweater vests and all the other dumb things you love.
Raj: You really think so?
Howard: Yes. And I don't think she's waiting for you in England. When you propose to someone in Notting Hill it should be to someone who knows what that movie is.
Raj: Are you saying you're just a boy standing in front of another boy saying you don't want him to leave?
Howard: Sure.

Quote from the episode The Maternal Conclusion

Raj: How'd you get past security?
Howard: I had to buy a ticket. You owe me 1,300 bucks.

Quote from the episode The Maternal Conclusion

Bernadette: So she's staying in London? What does that mean for your relationship?
Raj: It's great.
Howard: I can see why she would say that, but why do you?

Quote from the episode The Maternal Conclusion

Raj: I'm flying out tomorrow. I'm gonna surprise her with a ring.
Bernadette: You already have a ring?
Raj: Well, it's the same one as before.
Howard: I thought you gave it to her the first time you got engaged?
Raj: I did, but I took it back.
Howard: So, you're an Indian giver?
Bernadette: Howie.
Howard: What? If he's gonna move to England, I need to get all these out now.

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