Leonard: OK, is everyone clear on the plan?
Howard: Yes, Koothrappali's going to wet himself, I'm gonna throw up, Sheldon's gonna run away and you're going to die. Shall we synchronize our watches?

Howard: Maybe we should have your head notarized.

Howard: You know, I'm really glad you decided to learn Mandarin.
Sheldon: Why?
Howard: Once you're fluent, you'll have a billion more people to annoy instead of me.

Wolowitz: Gentlemen, to the sewing machines!

Wolowitz: He doesn't do anything for me. If I were going to go that way, I'm more of a Zac Efron kind of guy.
Raj: Oh yeah, like you have a shot with Zac Efron.

Wolowitz: Love is not a sprint, it's a marathon, a relentless pursuit that only ends when she falls into your arms - or hits you with the pepper spray.

Howard: Grab a napkin, homey, you just got served.
Leonard: That's fine, you win.
Howard: What's his problem?
Sheldon: His imaginary girlfriend broke up with him.
Howard: Been there!

Raj: Hold on a second. Kreplach??
Howard: Yeah.
Raj: That isn't Klingon. It's yiddish for meat-filled dumpling!
Howard: Well, as it turns out it's also a Klingon word.
Leonard: Really? Define it.
Howard: Kreplach a hearty Klingon.....dumpling.

Wolowitz: Qu'est-ce que 'sup?

Wolowitz: It is I, Sir Howard of Wolowitz.

Howard: I know the type. Cheerleader, student council, goes out with the jocks, won't even look at anybody in the gifted program. If after 2 years of begging, she agrees to go out with you, it turns out to be a setup and you're in your mom's car with your pants off while the whole football team laughs at you. *sobbing*

Leonard: What happened to him?
Howard: He wouldn't sleep so I gave him a glass of warm milk with a handful of my mother's Valium in it. Tag you're it!

Howard: Hey, I'm damaged, too. How about a hug for Howie?

Wolowitz: Check out the sexy nurse. I believe it's time for me to turn my head and cough.