Cinema Worker: Excuse me. You guys interested in a free screening of an upcoming movie?
Leonard: Oh. Sorry, we can't.
Howard: Well, hang on. What movie is it?
Cinema Worker: Oh, I can't tell you. But it does star Will Smith.
Howard: Wait. I bet it's Suicide Squad. Let's check it out.
Leonard: What about the girls?
Howard: Penny just said they're having fun. Honestly, you want to wrap tape around a bunch of pipe fittings all afternoon?
Leonard: Okay, we'll take 'em. But, I swear, if it's Will Smith in Shark Tale 2, it better be at least as good as the original.

Leonard: Why are you pretending to be outdoors? You hate it.
Sheldon: Oh, Amy showed me a compelling study that demonstrated the cognitive benefit of spending time in the wilderness.
Leonard: Buddy, I am ready to drive you into the wilderness any time you want and leave you there.

Sheldon: Well, cell service is down to one bar, so if anyone needs medical attention or to tell a stranger their political views are stupid, now's the time.
Amy: Have you ever been off the grid before?
Sheldon: Once. The battery ran out on my phone. I had to wait for my iPad to turn on.
Leonard: I was afraid he was gonna eat me.

Wolowitz: So, how'd it go with Leslie?
Leonard: Oh, we tried kissing, but the earth didn't move. I mean any more than the 383 miles it was gonna move anyway.

Leonard: Where's my Bat Signal?
Penny: You have a Bat Signal?
Leonard: I did. It was right here. She must have- Oh, my God, we're living together.

Penny: I don't know what to say.
Leonard: Don't say anything. ... I mean you could say thank you, I did just buy you a car.

Sheldon: Besides, a bar is where I belong. I'm having female problems.
Leonard: If you're cranky and retaining water, I have a theory.

Penny: How long was it?
Leonard: 94 seconds.

Sheldon: (Knocking) Leonard? Leonard? Leonard?
Leonard: Let it go, Sheldon. The murderer was the first mate whether it made sense to you or not.

Penny: It's just this is only our first date.
Leonard: Well, why don't we just figure out where we're going, and when we want to get there, and then rate of speed equals distance over time, solve for 'r'.
Penny: Or we could just wing it.

Leonard: Penny and Leonard 2.0. We can test it internally, shake out the bugs, and if we both think it is solid, we roll it out to the public.

Leonard: Okay, I have just one question for you. While I am perfectly happy with the way things are between us, you said that you didn't wanna go out with me because I was too smart for you. Well, news flash, lady: David Underhill is 10 times smarter than me. You'd have to drive a railroad spike into his head for me to beat him at checkers. Next to him, I'm one of those sign-language gorillas who knows how to ask for grapes. So my question is what's up with that?
Penny: (tearfully) Why are you yelling at me?
Leonard: Sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Never mind, we're cool.

Howard: New pants?
Leonard: Yeah, Stephanie got them for me.
Howard: Nice. Cotton?
Leonard: Actually, I think it's more of a wool-fire ant blend.

Penny: There's the little family!
Raj: Hello.
Stuart: Hello.
Leonard: And their Sherpas.

Wil Wheaton: You come face to face with a massive monster with a gaping maw full of teeth, three huge legs, and flailing tentacles. What do you do?
William Shatner: Fellas, it looks like we're facing a, an otyugh. Here's the plan-
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar: Hold on there, Bill.
William Shatner: Now what, Kareem?
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar: How do we know it's not a Neo-otyugh?
William Shatner: Same way I know the difference between an owlbear and a bugbear. Does that answer your question?
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar: No.
Joe Manganiello: Look, there's one way to settle this: we chop it up and look at the pieces.
Kevin Smith: Oh, come on, why do you always got to attack everything? Why can't we just try talking to it?
Joe Manganiello: Big surprise, Podcast here wants to talk.
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar: What do you think, Leonard?
Leonard: I think this is the greatest day of my entire life.
William Shatner: It's all right, buddy, one day you'll meet a girl.