Howard: (talking on the phone) Yes, sir, I understand classified. We'll keep it all classified, no one has to know but you and me.
Penny: What's classified?
Leonard: Howard's space toilet. I'll tell you later.

Penny: Leonard, could you pass the soy sauce, please?
Leonard: I'm sorry, were you talking to me?
Penny: Yeah, I said Leonard.
Leonard: Yes, you did, didn't you?

Howard: Okay, are you from Star Wars universe?
Leonard: Yes.
Howard: Were you in the original trilogy?
Leonard: Yes.
Howard: Is there a picture of you in my wallet wearing a metal bikini?
Leonard: God, I hope not. And no, I'm not Princess Leia.

Raj: Oh, we should have a plan in case one of us gets lucky.
Leonard: Okay, uh, if I get lucky I'll take her to my stately manor outside Gotham City, and if you get lucky, I'll sleep on the moon.
Raj: Sounds like a plan.

Penny: Okay, new topic, please. Hey, did you hear the people upstairs in 5A are moving out?
Leonard: Shh-shh-shh!
Sheldon: What?
Penny: The people upstairs are moving out.
Leonard: No!
Sheldon: The horror!
Leonard: Why would you just say something like that?
Sheldon: No, no, no, no, no, no, no-
Penny: How else was I supposed to say it?
Leonard: Slowly, like putting a new fish in a tank. You dont just drop it in, you let the bag sit in the water a while.

Sheldon: Look at Planck's Constant. People say it's arbitrary. It could not be less arbitrary. If it varied even slightly, life as we know it would not exist. Bam! Now, let's reconsider the entire argument, but with entropy reversed and effect preceding cause, so you are thinking of a universe that's not expanding from the center. No, it is retreating from a, from a possibility space. Bam! This is a space where we are all essentially Alice through the Looking Glass, standing in front the Red Queen, and we're being offered a cracker to quench our thirst. Bam! Of course, in another universe, let's call it universe prime, there's another Sheldon. Let's call him Sheldon prime...
Penny: We should have let him go to bed.
Leonard: Bam.

Penny: Come on. What about the living organism of the workforce and the American spirit and Jiminy Crockett at the Alamo?
Leonard: Davy Crockett. Jiminy Crockett was a cricket.

Leonard: Wow, teasing the guys at the Apple Store seems a little redundant now.
Sheldon: I don't follow.
Leonard: I wouldn't expect you to.

Sheldon: That's over the wheelbase. Are you completely unfamiliar with the suspension characteristics of a pre-1980 Pullman-built Superliner Deluxe passenger coach?
Leonard: Sheldon, we've been on this train 90 seconds, and you've already said a thousand words. Just tell us where to sit and shut up.

Sheldon: Here. I'm hoping once you reap the endorphic rewards of the steady clickety-clack of steel wheels on polished rails, your sour disposition will abate.
Leonard: Yeah, maybe. Meanwhile back in the 21st century, people are raising their tray tables and putting their seat-backs in an upright position 'cause it's time to land in San Francisco.

Raj: It's not so bad, really. At least these trains have modern plumbing. In India, you squat over a hole in the train and expose your naked buttocks to the chilly air of Rajasthan.
Sheldon: He is referring, of course, to third class on Indian Railways' magnificent Ranakpur Express and its twelve hundred kilometer journey from Maharashtra to the Bikaner Junction.
Leonard: Oh, look, now he's boring on an international scale.

Leonard: Excuse me, but what about me? Why don't I get a shot?
Howard: Fine, go ahead. Take a shot.
Leonard: You know, I've already got a gorgeous blond back home that I can't score with. I think I'll let you two take this one.

Leonard: So aren't you going to go talk to her?
Howard: I will, I'm just working on my opening line.
Leonard: She's probably heard every possible line, Howard. Why don't you just try hello?
Howard: No, no, no, that always creeps girls out. I need to come up with something thats funny, smart and delicately suggests that my sexual endowment is disproportionate to my physical stature.
Leonard: You're going to need more than 11 hours.

Sheldon: Okay, I've found the perfect solution. We get off the train at the next stop in Oxnard. We then take the 1:13 train back to Union Station. We take a cab back to the apartment, get my flash drive, and then race to San Luis Obispo, where, assuming the lights are with us and minimal traffic, we'll meet the train.
Leonard: I've got a better idea.
Sheldon: Are you going to be sarcastic?
Leonard: Boy, you take all the fun out of it for me.

Leonard: He's calling to ask you a favor. You might be confused because he didn't use the words, Penny, Sheldon, please or favor.