Penny: Sheldon, you know that we care about you.
Howard: And it's because we care about you that we've decided we have to speak up.
Penny: You're hurting the people around you, sweetie.
Leonard: So we made you an appointment, and we want you to keep it.
Sheldon: Department of Motor Vehicles new driver handbook? But I don't have a problem.
Leonard: Sheldon, you need to learn how to drive.

Howard: This madness has to stop.
Leonard: Penny's taking you to the DMV, I'm going to bed.
Sheldon: Why Penny?
Leonard: Because rock breaks scissors. Goodnight.

Leonard: Assuming that everything you say is true, how does the biologically superior Homo Novus get to work tomorrow morning?
Sheldon: Homo Novus doesn't know.
Leonard: Well, hang in there. Maybe you'll evolve into something with wings.

Sheldon: Good morning, gentlemen.
Leonard: Hey.
Raj: Good morning. Is there some new kind of casual Friday I don't know about?
Leonard: No, he lives here now.
Howard: Really? Why?
Leonard: Well, since he won't take the bus and he's too evolved to drive, he decided it would be easier to just sleep in his office and shower in the radiation lab until I'm finished with my experiment.
Raj: But you finished your experiment a week ago.
Leonard: Yep.

Sheldon: I often forget other people have limitations. It's so sad.
Howard: He can feel sadness?
Leonard: Not really. It's what you and I would call condescension.

Sheldon: You know, this situation with Koothrappali brings to mind a story from my childhood.
Howard: Oh, goody, more tales from the Panhandle.
Sheldon: That's Northwest Texas. I'm from East Texas, the Gulf region. Home to many Vietnamese shrimpers.
Leonard: Do the shrimpers feature in your story?
Sheldon: No. Anyway, when I was eight, a Montgomery Ward delivery van ran over our family cat, Lucky.
Howard: Lucky?
Sheldon: Yes, Lucky.
Leonard: He's irony-impaired. Just move on.
Howard: Ok, dead cat named Lucky. Continue.

Leonard: [to a "smiling" Sheldon] We're here to see Koothrappali, not kill Batman.

Tom: I'm sorry, dude, she didn't look anything like her picture.
Leonard: They never do.

Leonard: Hey Penny.
Penny: Busy.
Leonard: Yeah, I see that. Shouldn't you be at work?
Penny: I don't work on Mondays.
Leonard: It's Thursday.

Sheldon: I fashioned historically accurate undergarments out of linen.
Leonard: You went out and bought linen?
Sheldon: Don't be silly, I borrowed one of your pillow cases.
Leonard: Borrowed?

Wolowitz: Leonard, how was your date?
Leonard: Bite me!

Penny: It's just this is only our first date.
Leonard: Well, why don't we just figure out where we're going, and when we want to get there, and then rate of speed equals distance over time, solve for 'r'.
Penny: Or we could just wing it.

Leonard: Why are you learning Chinese?
Sheldon: I believe the Szechuan Palace has been passing off orange chicken as tangerine chicken, and I intend to confront them.
Leonard: If I were you, I'd be more concerned about what they're passing off as chicken.

Howard: So you're saying, if in the depths of despair she throws herself at you and demands you take her right there, right now, you'll just walk away?
Leonard: I said I'm her friend, not her gay friend.

Leonard: Maybe I am her gay friend.