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Quote from the episode The Luminous Fish Effect

Mary Cooper: I remember one summer when he was thirteen, he made a small nuclear reactor in the shed and told everybody he was going to provide free electricity for the whole town. Well, the only problem was he had no - what you call - fissionable materials. Anyway, when he went on the Internets to get some, a man from the government came by and sat him down - real gentle - and told him it's against the law to have yellowcake uranium in a shed.

Quote from the episode The Luminous Fish Effect

Mary: Leonard, the Lord never gives us more than we can handle. Thankfully, He blessed me with two other children who are dumb as soup.

Quote from the episode The Maternal Combustion

Mary Cooper: I tried to read your paper, but it was very hard for me to understand.
Sheldon: Oh, it's quite straightforward, actually. It describes a new model of the universe that conceptualizes it as the surface of an n-dimensional superfluid.
Mary Cooper: Interesting. You can believe that, but God filling an ark with animals two-by-two is nonsense.
Sheldon: What did they feed the lions, Mother?
Mary Cooper: The floating bodies of drowned sinners, of course.

Quote from the episode The Matrimonial Momentum

Sheldon: Wasn't Mary Magdalene a woman of ill repute?
Mary Cooper: When your idiot brother redeems mankind, he can date whoever he wants.

Quote from the episode The Luminous Fish Effect

Mary Cooper: Leonard, don't trouble yourself. He's stubborn. He may stay in there 'til the rapture.

Quote from the episode The Zazzy Substitution

Mary Cooper: Now, don't you move. I'll bring over all the food.
Leonard: No, I can do it.
Mary Cooper: Well, isn't that sweet.

Quote from the episode The Rhinitis Revelation

Mary Cooper: It's called the Born Again Boat Ride. Christian Quarterly gave it their highest rating: five thorny crowns.

Quote from the episode The Electric Can Opener Fluctuation

Mary Cooper: Don't tell me prayer doesn't work.

Quote from the episode The Luminous Fish Effect

Mary Cooper: Now let's get crackin'. Shower. Shirt. Shoes. And let's shove off.

Quote from the episode The Luminous Fish Effect

Mary Cooper: You know we have an Indian gentleman at the church. Dr. Patel. It's a beautiful story. The Lord spoke to him and moved him to give us all 20% off on Lasek. You know those that needed it.

Quote from the episode The Rhinitis Revelation

Mary Cooper: Hun, you think maybe the reason why you're having trouble finding a guy to settle down with, is because you're letting them ride the roller-coaster without buying a ticket?

Quote from the episode The Mommy Observation

Sheldon: Can you recommend a surface you haven't had coitus on?
Mary: That's not funny. ... Maybe we should sit at the table.

Quote from the episode The Luminous Fish Effect

Mary Cooper: I tell you, I love that boy to death but he has been difficult since he fell outta me at the K-Mart.

Quote from the episode The Luminous Fish Effect

Mary: I made chicken. I hope it's not one of the animals that you people think is magic.

Quote from the episode The Maternal Combustion

Mary Cooper: Ugh? The bible is ugh to you?
Beverly Hofstadter: No, I'm sorry. That was inappropriate. As a psychiatrist, I know how important people's superstitions can be to them.
Mary Cooper: You want to talk about superstitions. Sheldon sent me all those books you wrote. All that nonsense about super egos and IDs. What bull dropped that on the barn floor?

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