Sheldon: Professor Proton hosted my favorite science show when I was a child. I never missed an episode. He demonstrated scientific principles using everyday objects.
Leonard: It was pretty cool.
Penny: Aw, it's so cute when you use the word cool wrong. Like when kids say pasgetti.

Leonard: This tray contains clues as to what you and I are going to be doing on Valentine's Day.
Penny: Oh, wow. Okay. Let's see. We've got milk chocolate, Swiss cheese, fondue.
My lactose-intolerant boyfriend is going to eat all this, then I'm going to climb on his back and rocket to the moon?

Penny: I can't believe it. if I hadn't been working the dinner shift, I would've run right into the robbers.
Leonard: Hey, there's no reason for you to be scared.
Penny: I'm not scared. I would've gone all Nebraska on their asses.

Sheldon: When I signed for this package, I was deputized by the United Parcel Service, and entrusted with its final delivery. I now need you to acknoweldge receipt of the package so I'm fully indemnified and no longer liable.
Penny: Sheldon, it's just a box of rhinestones.
Sheldon: Well, the content are irrelevant. A legal bailment has been created. Does that mean nothing to you?
Penny: It means nothing to anybody.

Penny: Whenever I'd see her, she'd say I was too skinny and would try and feed me.
Amy: She did that to me, too.
Penny: Don't take this away from me.

Leonard: Well, I can't read your mind, Penny!
Penny: Really? Why not? You're so smart, and I'm so dumb.

Amy: I guess this is what we get for being with two testosterone-fueled alpha males. At some point, they're bound to lock horns.
Penny: I'm assuming these are some kind of horns they bought at Comic-Con?

Penny: Get away from me or I swear to God I will rip out what's left of your pubes!

Sheldon: What would constitute a perfect day for you?
Penny: Well, I'd probably sleep in. Do a little yoga. Then lie on the beach while cute cabana boys brought me drinks, and probably get a massage. Then probably cap off the night with some dancing.
Sheldon: That's it?
Penny: Yeah, why?
Sheldon: You didn't mention Leonard.
Penny: He's there.
Sheldon: I don't think so. Leonard can't stand yoga, the beach, massages or dancing.
Penny: Yeah, well, he brought a book.

Penny: Well, I can't read people's minds. Actually, that's not true, I can read men's minds, but only because it's usually the one thing.
Sheldon: When are we going to get robot eyes.
Penny: You're all alike.

Penny: Hey, guys, some of the other waitresses wanted me to ask you something.
Leonard: It's called trestling.
Howard: It combines the physical strength of arm wrestling with the mental agility of tetris into the ultimate sport.
Penny: Yeah, that's terrific, but what they wanted me to ask you was to cut it the hell out.

Penny: Dave is not smarter than you. He's an idiot.
Leonard: Really? Why would you say that?
Penny: Because a smart guy takes the nude photos of his wife off his cell phone before he tries to take nude photos of his girlfriend.
Leonard: He tried to take nude photos of you?
Penny: That's what you took from that? The guy is married.

Howard: I'll take the apartment upstairs. I can finally get away from my mother, and we can spend some more time together, if you catch my drift.
Penny: The horror.

Sheldon: The Hungarians are just using you for dragon fodder.
Penny: Really? Boy, you'd think you could trust a horde of Hungarian barbarians.

Sheldon: Indeed. Penny, a salon is a gathering where intellectuals entertained each other with sparkling conversations about the issues of the day.
Penny: Huh. So it's like The View.