Penny: You have fun with your new best buddy?
Leonard: Hey, it's your fault your dad likes me. You dated idiots your whole life.
Penny: Well, he was right about one thing. I am married to a stud.
Leonard: Mm. Really?
Penny: Yeah, I felt so bad about selling you out, I thought I would maybe make it up to you.
Leonard: Wait, wait. I can't. I mean, I want to, but I'm not supposed to for the next three days.
Penny: Oh. That's right. I forgot. All right, well, guess I'll just read a little and then, I don't know, go to sleep.
Leonard: Really? That's what you're sleeping in?
Penny: Oh, you want me to take it off?
Leonard: No.
Penny: All right. Well, then pipe down and let me read my comic book.
Leonard: Penny, I-I know what you're doing. Just please stop.
Penny: Ooh, listen to this. "Bam. Pow. Take that, Batman."

Wyatt: And you're okay with this?
Penny: I support my husband.
Leonard: Thank you.
Penny: But, you know, if you think differently, you should feel free to say so. You know, just like, "Ah!" Make a scene.

Wyatt: Well, I don't know about Los Angeles, but in Nebraska, that's kind of strange.
Penny: It's strange here, too, and we have a bakery for dogs.

Wyatt: You two might want to talk louder or quieter.
Penny: In high school, he could hear me open a can of beer in my closet under a blanket.

Penny: I think this is going pretty good, huh?
Leonard: Maybe for you. You threw me under the bus.
Penny: Oh, I'm sorry. I panicked. He was judging me.
Leonard: Well, yeah, now he's judging me.
Penny: I know. It worked.

Penny: Okay, that's my dad. Now, remember, do not bring up any baby stuff, all right? Not me not wanting one, not you having one with Zack.
Leonard: Got it.
Penny: And if he brings it up, change the subject to literally anything else.
Leonard: I got it.
Penny: But not the Cornhuskers. Do not discuss the Cornhuskers.
Leonard: Is that a sports team?
Penny: Never mind, you're good.

Zack: Thank you, guys, again for agreeing to do this.
Marissa: Yeah, it means so much to us.
Leonard: Ah, we're happy we can help.
Penny: Yeah, and we don't find it weird at all.

Penny: All right, well, why don't you go to bed. I'll sleep out here on the couch.
Leonard: No, no, no, you take the bed. I'll stay out here.
Penny: Even better. Sweet dreams, snot bag.

Penny: Are you sure you're not just a little jealous?
Leonard: No. It's just, my way is better, but they won't even consider it.
Penny: Oh, well, it's their loss. Look, why don't you go to bed. I'll run out and get you some medicine.
Leonard: Ah, it's okay. Stuart gave me some when I was at the comic book store.
Penny: Really? You're taking medicine from Stuart? Doesn't he need, like, all of it?

Leonard: Don't make it sound childish. It's the scientific word for dust.
Penny: What was wrong with "dust"?

Leonard: It's just so frustrating. I know my laser would be way more efficient. They're gonna lose so much meteorite due to kerf loss.
Penny: Mm. I'm sorry your friends won't let you play kerf with them

Penny: Well, Amy, looks like the elevator might have been the high point of your day.

Penny: By tomorrow, I want everyone to have this committed to memory.
Karen: Do you have it committed to memory?
Penny: You want to have a contest, Karen? Winner gets a yogurt.

Bernadette: Mm, it's probably for the best. I need someone who's strong and confident to head up my sales team, so I'm giving it to Karen.
Penny: What Karen? Well, what's the job? Eating my yogurt and then lying about it?

Penny: No, it's not that.
Bernadette: Then why?
Penny: Honestly, I don't know if I'm up to it. You know, the last project I managed was my high school yearbook.
Bernadette: And?
Penny: And that was the year we didn't have one. - And? And that was the year we didn't have one. Apparently, the printers won't make them without getting paid.
Bernadette: What happened to the money?
Penny: Uh, if I didn't know then, I'm not going to magically know now.