Raj: Uncle Howard, Cinnamon's here for her sleepover party.
Howard: You know if you had a stroke, she'd eat you, right?
Raj: And it would be my pleasure to be her num-num.

Leonard: Would you ever get a vasectomy?
Raj: Uh, in case you haven't noticed, Indians aren't too big on birth control. There's probably, like, a million more of us since we started this conversation.

Raj: Hey, what are you working on?
Bernadette: Oh, my God, you're still here?
Raj: Well, of course I'm here. I know what you're going through.
Bernadette: Really? You have a needy Indian man in your house?
Raj: I did, but then he came over here.

Raj: Just remember, you're in charge. Don't let her pull you.
Bert: That seems like an unnecessary thing to say.

Bernadette: Shall we tell everyone not to come?
Howard: No, I wanna do this.
Bernadette: Okay. I'll keep it together if you can.
Raj: I'm not making any promises.

Raj: I have an idea.
Sheldon: I think I have the same one.
Howard: We've got to watch Back to the Future II.
Raj: I'll make the pop corn.

Raj: What makes them think they're always in charge of everything?
Leonard: They're alpha males.
Raj: What does that make us?
Leonard: We could be betas. They're second in charge.
Raj: Okay, that sounds good.
Leonard: Or we could be omegas. They get pushed around by the alphas and the betas.
Raj: Okay, that sounds like us.

Sheldon: Thanks for coming with me.
Raj: Thanks for inviting me when everyone else said no.

Leonard: How'd it go last night?
Raj: Y'know, same old same old. Looked through a telescope, saw some stars. Big whoop.

Raj: Hey, look, I found an iPod.
Howard: It's smashed beyond repair. What are you gonna do with it?
Raj: What else? Sell it on eBay as slightly used.

Raj: I know, I am resplendent like the noonday sun, am I not?

Raj: Oh, my goodness. Aren't you the cutest little Yorkie ever! You got him for me?
Howard: Her. We thought you two would hit it off.
Raj: I think we already have.

Sheldon: How many women have you had dates with?
Raj: Eleven.
Sheldon: How many of those women did you think would become your perfect companion?
Raj: Eleven.
Raj: Wait, do I count the 200lb Sailor Moon girl that Howard and I had a threesome with at Comic-Con?
Sheldon: Sure.
Raj: I'll stick with eleven. She liked Howard better.

Leonard: You guys ready?
Raj: In a minute. Howard stepped outside to throw up.

Howard: You know, I thought our friendship meant more to you.
Raj: So did I.