Sheldon Cooper Quotes Page 2 of 262

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Quote from the episode The Boyfriend Complexity

Leonard: You'll never guess what just happened.
Sheldon: You went out in the hallway, stumbled into an inter-dimensional portal, which brought you 5,000 years into the future, where you took advantage of the advanced technology to build a time machine, and now you're back, to bring us all with you to the year 7010, where we are transported to work at the think-a-torium by telepathically controlled flying dolphins?
Leonard: No.
Sheldon: Awww.
Leonard: Penny kissed me.
Sheldon: Who would ever guess that?

Quote from the episode The Colonization Application

Penny: This is why I've been saying we should keep champagne on ice.
Sheldon: Sarcasm?
Amy: Yes.
Sheldon: That was tricky because when it comes to alcohol, she generally means business.

Quote from the episode The Opening Night Excitation

Sheldon: (3 knocks) Penny! (3 knocks) Penny! (3 knocks) Penny!
Bernadette: What happens if I say come in?
Penny: Well, find out.
Bernadette: Come in!
Sheldon: (silence)
(3 knocks) Bernadette! (3 knocks) Bernadette! (3 knocks) Bernadette!
Penny: Come in!
Sheldon: Keep it up. I've got nowhere else to be.
Bernadette: Just come in.
Sheldon: For future reference, if I want to watch Mean Girls, I'll just stream it on Netflix.

Quote from the episode The Opening Night Excitation

Sheldon: Then it's settled. Amy's birthday present will be my genitals.

Quote from the episode The Prom Equivalency

Sheldon: There's no denying that I have feelings for you that can't be explained in any other way. I briefly considered that I had a brain parasite, but that seems even more far-fetched. The only conclusion was love.

Quote from the episode The Flaming Spittoon Acquisition

Howard: I thought you didn't like Facebook any more.
Sheldon: Don't be silly, I'm a fan of anything that tries to replace actual human contact.

Quote from the episode The Intimacy Acceleration

Penny: Do you want to stop? I know you have trouble with eye contact.
Sheldon: Well, you have a brown fleck in your right iris that looks like a Formula 1 race car, so I'm just concentrating on that. Plus it's easier around people I'm comfortable with.
Penny: Oh, sweetie, I'm comfortable around you, too.
Sheldon: Of course you are. I'm warm and soothing. I'm like a human bowl of tomato soup.

Quote from the episode The Opening Night Excitation

Sheldon: All right, this goes against everything I stand for, but desperate times call for desperate measures. (Kneels down to pray) Lord, this is Sheldon Cooper, you're good friends with my mom. I know I've spent my life denying that you exist-
Howard: Got them!
Sheldon: -and I will continue do so!

Quote from the episode The Septum Deviation

Amy: This is an easy one. You love this guy.
Sheldon: Me.
Amy: Come on. He's an under appreciated genius.
Sheldon: Still think it's me.
Amy: It's not you. Now think, there's a car named after him.
Sheldon: Of course there is. The Mini Cooper because it's me.
Amy: How about this? He's a poor man's Sheldon Cooper.
Sheldon: Oh, Tesla.

Quote from the episode The Separation Oscillation

Sheldon: Hello.
Leonard: Hey, buddy, can we have some privacy?
Sheldon: Of course. Wouldn't want to intrude. (takes red bra out of his pocket and hands it to Penny) This is yours.
Penny: Okay, when I'm done with him, I'm gonna need more information.
Sheldon: Nothing odd. I just wanted to rub Amy's nose in it.

Quote from the episode The Thanksgiving Decoupling

Amy: It says here you can get an annulment if any of the following conditions were met: Were you unable to consummate the marriage?
Sheldon: Penny!? Ha! Next ...

Quote from the episode The Thanksgiving Decoupling

Mike: I don't know what's scarier: the bathroom clowns or the woman that put them there?
Sheldon: All I know is you can only fit one of her in a car.
*Howard walks in*
Sheldon: And there's the clown that came out of her!

Quote from the episode The Romance Resonance

Sheldon: I've got to find a way to stop this thing.
Leonard: Buddy, I don't think you can. Once it's out there, it's out there. This thing is like the science equivalent of a sex tape.
Sheldon: Frankly, I'd prefer a sex tape.
Leonard: You don't know what a sex tape is, do you?
Sheldon: No.

Quote from the episode The Contractual Obligation Implementation

Sheldon: (Typing into a search engine) How do I get 12-year-old schoolgirls excited?
Howard and Leonard: No!

Quote from the episode The Separation Oscillation

Leonard: I'm not being weird. Am I being weird?
Sheldon: Yes. And that's coming from me.

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