Sheldon Cooper Quotes Page 3 of 239
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Quote from the episode The Bad Fish Paradigm
Sheldon: I wouldn't tell you the secret. Sssh!
Leonard: What secret? Tell me the secret.
Sheldon: Mom smokes in the car. Jesus is okay with it, but we can't tell dad.
Leonard: Not that secret, the other secret.
Sheldon: I'm Batman! Ssssh!
Quote from the episode The Justice League Recombination
Zack: You know, I saw this great thing on the Discovery Channel. Turns out if you kill a starfish it'll just come back to life.
Sheldon: Was the starfish wearing boxer shorts? Because you might have been watching Nickelodeon.
Quote from the episode The Pants Alternative
Penny: So what do you say Sheldon, are we your X-men?
Sheldon: No, the X-men were named for the X in Charles Xavier. Since I am Sheldon Cooper, you will be my C-men.
Quote from the episode The Boyfriend Complexity
Sheldon: I'd like to go over some proposed changes to the roommate agreement, specifically to address Penny's annoying personal habits.
Penny: Oh my God! What personal habits?
Sheldon: I have a list. FYI overuse of the phrase "Oh my God" is number 12.
Quote from the episode The Colonization Application
Penny: This is why I've been saying we should keep champagne on ice.
Sheldon: That was tricky because when it comes to alcohol, she generally means business.
Quote from the episode The Big Bran Hypothesis
Sheldon: Oh gravity, thou art a heartless bitch.
Quote from the episode The Clean Room Infiltration
Sheldon: Let's see. What do I know about Amy? She loves medieval literature. Chaucer's her favorite. And her eyes sparkle when she watches old French movies. And I enjoy how harp music causes her fingers to dance as if she's playing along.
Bernadette: Wow, you really do love her.
Sheldon: I do. Now, let's find the kind of gift that makes her feel small and worthless.
Quote from the episode The Vegas Renormalization
Leonard: What were you doing at Penny's?
Sheldon: Well, we had dinner, played some games, and then I spent the night. Oh, and you'll be happy to know that I now have a much better understanding of 'friends with benefits.'
Quote from the episode The Roommate Transmogrification
Howard: You gotta like this: the girlfriend, the ex-girlfriend, bonding over your rooty-tooty stinky booty? (All but Leonard laugh)
Leonard: Kill me.
Sheldon: It wouldn't help. The human body is capable of being flatulent for hours after death.
Quote from the episode The Jiminy Conjecture
Sheldon: I am not crazy, my mother had me tested.
Quote from the episode Pilot
Sheldon: Um, Penny, that's where I sit.
Penny: So, sit next to me.
Sheldon: No, I sit there.
Penny: What's the difference?
Sheldon: "What's the difference"?
Leonard: Here we go.
Sheldon: In the winter that seat is close enough to the radiator to remain warm, and yet not so close as to cause perspiration. In the summer it's directly in the path of a cross breeze created by open windows, there and there. It faces the television at an angle that is neither direct, thus discouraging conversation, nor so far wide to create a parallax distortion. I could go on, but I think I've made my point.
Quote from the episode The Pancake Batter Anomaly
Leonard: Oh, again?
Sheldon: Obviously, you're not suited for three dimensional chess. Perhaps three dimensional Candy Land would be more your speed.
Leonard: Just reset the board!
Sheldon: It must be humbling to suck on so many levels.
Quote from the episode The Staircase Implementation
Sheldon: This is the temperature you agreed to in the roommate agreement.
Leonard: Aw, screw the roommate agreement!
Sheldon: No, you don't screw the roommate agreement. The roommate agreement screws you.
Quote from the episode The Prestidigitation Approximation
Rajesh: Why so glum, chum?
Sheldon: Apparently you can't hack into a government supercomputer and then try to buy uranium without the Department of Homeland Security tattling to your mother.
Quote from the episode The Space Probe Disintegration
Penny: Sheldon, we know this is a sensitive subject, and Leonard's not going to move out until you're ready.
Sheldon: What if you did it gradually?
Leonard: All right, how about we start with two nights a week I live with Penny?
Sheldon: How about one night and I let you whistle?
Sheldon: When I'm not home.