Howard: I thought you didn't like Facebook any more.
Sheldon: Don't be silly, I'm a fan of anything that tries to replace actual human contact.

Raj: I don't like bugs, okay. They freak me out.
Sheldon: Interesting. You're afraid of insects and women. Ladybugs must render you catatonic.

Sheldon: Scissors cuts paper, paper covers rock, rock crushes lizard, lizard poisons Spock, Spock smashes scissors, scissors decapitates lizard, lizard eats paper, paper disproves Spock, Spock vaporizes rock, and as it always has, rock crushes scissors.

Sheldon: Why are you crying?
Penny: Because I'm stupid.
Sheldon: That's no reason to cry. One cries because one is sad. For example, I cry because others are stupid, and that makes me sad.

Bernadette: I'm too small for Twister. And roller coasters. And sitting with my feet on the floor. Hope you enjoyed the prenatal cigarettes, Mom.

(Sheldon knocks on Penny's door three times)
Penny: Who do we love?
Sheldon: Penny. (Knocks 3 times)
Penny: Who do we love?
Sheldon: Penny. (Knocks 3 times)
Penny: Who do we love?
Sheldon: Penny.

Bernadette: Doesn't he know you have a boyfriend?
Penny: She doesn't have a boyfriend, she has a Sheldon.