Leonard: Why didn't you tell me you knew Elizabeth Plimpton? I am a huge fan of hers!
Sheldon: I didn't realize I was obligated to share my connection with things you're a fan of, but very well. You enjoy Canadian bacon. I've been to Toronto.

Raj: When can I sit with you again?
Sheldon: When I've seen two consecutive negative throat cultures spaced 12 hours apart. You know the drill. All right, if you'll excuse me, I am off to start a prophylactic course of antibiotics.

Sheldon: Oh, Penny, excellent. I have a question about these maxi pads. Are the wings truly functional or have I fallen victim to marketing hype?
Penny: What? What are you doing with, what?
Sheldon: The stock boy at Walgreens was frustratingly uninformed on the subject.

Leonard: (To Dr. Elizabeth Plimpton) I think any university would want you. Except, of course, any university that had already had you. Because they would've already wanted you before they, you know, got you.
Sheldon: From the mind that brought you hi-lo.

Sheldon: All right, let me show you some of the features of the room. First, windows. Conventional. Open, closed, open, closed. Halfway open or halfway closed, depending on your philosophical bent. Over here is my comic book collection. Feel free to browse. There's a box of disposable reading gloves on the night stand.

Dr. Elizabeth Plimpton: Can I ask a question about your roommate?
Sheldon: He's an odd duck, isn't he?
Dr. Elizabeth Plimpton: What's his relationship status?
Sheldon: Well, there was a misbegotten adventure with a waitress who lives across the hall. It ended as inexplicably as it began. They had very little in common, except for carnal activity. That's why I acquired these noise-canceling headphones. If you decide to use them, please clean the ear pieces afterwards with the Wet Wipes you'll find in the bathroom. They're in the drawer labeled Wet Wipes.

Sheldon: All right, Elizabeth, the bathroom is yours. The seat is down, and has been sanitized for your protection.
Dr. Elizabeth Plimpton: That's very thoughtful, but I think I'll finish my coffee first.
Sheldon: Ah, so the yogurt didn't work. I'll fire off a critical e-mail to the manufacturer.

Sheldon: You know, Leonard, that's actually a valid idea. Very good.
Leonard: Can you say that and not make it sound like I'm a cat who learned how to use the toilet?
Sheldon: No. The two achievements are equally surprising and equally admirable. Though if pressed, I'd have to give a slight edge to the cat.

Leonard: I checked the App Store. No one is doing handwriting recognition differential equation solving.
Sheldon: Oh, dear Lord, shush.
Leonard: What?
Sheldon: You have so few good ideas, Leonard. And you're just going to spill the beans in front of an outsider?
Penny: Who, me?
Howard: Sheldon, I don't think Penny cares about handwriting recognition-based differential...
Sheldon: (singing over them) The stars at night are big and bright, deep in the heart of Texas.

Leonard: She's not going to steal our idea.
Penny: What idea?
Leonard: We're gonna write an application...
Sheldon: [sings] The prairie sky is wide and high, deep in the heart...
Penny: Okay, stop, stop!
Sheldon: [meekly] ...of Texas.

Sheldon: All right. All right, I'm not going to argue with you. Sheldon Cooper is nothing if not a team player. Dr. Hofstadter, you have the conn.
Leonard: Thank you. I thought we might start by talking about the user interface.
Sheldon: Oh, dear Lord, we're doomed.

Sheldon: I call for a vote of no confidence and an immediate change in leadership.
Leonard: Oh, Sheldon, stop it.
Sheldon: When in the course of human events, it becomes necessary to dissolve the bonds that tie three competent scientists together...

Leonard: That's enough, Sheldon.
Sheldon: All right, let's get right to the vote. Show of hands all those opposed to Leonard and his reign of tyranny.
Leonard: Okay, that's it. You're fired.
Sheldon: Really? Why?
Leonard: Because you're impossible to work with.
Sheldon: I see. And is that open for discussion?

Leonard: What are you doing?
Sheldon: Oh. Good morning, shoemaker. I think you'll be pleased with what the elves were up to last night.
Leonard: But I fired you.
Sheldon: Oh, I know. I'm now an independent contractor.
Leonard: No, you are now nothing. You have no connection to this project whatsoever.
Sheldon: But I made it better.
Leonard: I don't want it better. I want it my way.
Sheldon: Well, that speaks volumes, doesn't it?

Sheldon: Good morning, friend Howard, friend Raj. I see you gentlemen are enjoying beverages. Perhaps they would taste better out of these.
Raj: "World's Greatest Astrophysicist"?
Sheldon: Don't thank me. You earned it.
Howard: "Howard Wolowitz". Why not "World's Greatest Engineer"?
Sheldon: I'm sorry. I typed that into the label maker, but I just couldn't press enter.