Sheldon: No, Leonard, go ahead and mock. Like my daddy always said, Shelly, women aren't anything but flippin pains in the bottom.
Leonard: That's what your father used to say?
Sheldon: Well, I took out the bad words and the yeehaw, but you get the gist.

Sheldon: All right, then, I have no choice but to go on to plan B.
Penny: What's that?
Sheldon: I'm going to run around outside with a wet head and try to catch a cold.

Amy: You sure you're okay with this?
Sheldon: Yes. I decided to find a way that I could have this experience and enjoy it.
Amy: Thank you. That means a lot to me.
Sheldon: Oh, don't thank me. Thank wireless technology. I realized, I can go to your aunt's awful party and still spend the whole day gaming with my friends.
Amy: Sheldon, my relatives are going to want to talk to you, and youre going to be sitting there playing a game? Isn't that a little rude?
Sheldon: Oh, I got that covered. Headset. I won't hear a word the old geezers are saying.

Amy: You know, if playing that game is more important to you than honoring your commitment to me, and you don't mind me showing up at a party all by myself after I've already told everybody I'll be bringing somebody, then, fine. Go home and play your game.
Sheldon: Thanks. Ooh, listen, I wouldn't mind a piece of birthday cake, provided the old gal's candle blow is clean and dry.

Leonard: All right, I think we got them all. Let's divide up the loot.
Bernadette: Ooh, look at this pretty purple robe I just got. You should put on yours and then we'll match.
Howard: But I worked hard to get this Armour.
Bernadette: Sorry, I just thought it'd be nice if people knew we were a couple.
Howard: Fine, I'll change.
Sheldon: (whip sound app) Ha-ha.

Sheldon: That is the most sickeningly sweet thing I have ever experienced. And I am sipping Kool-Aid through a Red Vine.

Sheldon: I think I understand. You're the one person who can say Sheldon Cooper is your boyfriend, but that rings hollow if you can't lord him over others in the flesh. I forget what I bring to the party and what I take away when I leave. Please accept these valuable Cooper Coupons as restitution.
Penny: Sheldon, she doesn't want your stupid…
Amy: Ooh, Science Center. Redeeming. Let's go.
Sheldon: Well played, Amy Farrah Fowler. Let me get my coat. (Whip sound) Oh, grow up, Leonard.

Leonard: Well, they don't have an Excalibur here, so what do you want to do?
Sheldon: Mm. Tough decision. There's no weaponry from Lord of the Rings, forged in a Chinese sweatshop?
Leonard: Just Bilbo Baggins' sword over there.
Sheldon: Two grown men with a hobbit's dagger; wouldn't we look silly?

Sheldon: Only 8,000? We're wasting precious time. Buy it.
Leonard: Hang on. Can you do any better?
Stuart: Are you kidding? I'm already giving you the friends and family discount.
Sheldon: Oh, did you hear that? We're getting the friends and family discount. We are honored and we will take it.

Leonard: Two hundred.
Stuart: Man, you're killing me!
Sheldon: Killing you? I can't breathe.
Stuart: Two ten, and I'm losing money.
Sheldon: Oh, now, we can't let him lose money, Leonard. I'm so sorry.

Sheldon: Hello, Wil Wheaton.
Wil Wheaton: Hi, Sheldon. Nice sword.
Sheldon: It's part of my sword collection. Do you have a sword collection?
Wil Wheaton: No.
Sheldon: I'm not surprised.

Stuart: Here's the Batman 612 with the Jim Lee alternate cover that you wanted.
Wil Wheaton: Awesome. What do I owe you?
Stuart: Forty bucks.
Wil Wheaton: Good deal.
Sheldon: Sucker. Didn't even ask for the friends and family discount.

Sheldon: I see what you're doing. You accept an invitation to a party at the home of my sworn enemy, he tells everyone we're going to be there, and when we don't show, he looks the fool. Fiendishly clever.
Leonard: I was actually thinking about going.
Sheldon: And then declaring the party a fiasco and storming out, leaving him humiliated in front of his guests. Love it.

Leonard: Got it. Can I have my water?
Sheldon: Of course. (Knocking Leonard's bottle of water away) Now get it yourself, you traitor.

Leonard: I'd like to propose a toast. The dream to go up into space is one we all share, and Howard's making that a reality. We're all very proud of you.
Everybody: Cheers.
Sheldon: That was a lovely toast. Kudos.
Leonard: Thank you.
Sheldon: Simultaneously, a festival of cloying clichs. You sicken me.