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Sheldon Cooper Quotes Page 250 of 262

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Quote from the episode The Thespian Catalyst

Amy: Have you considered improving your socialization skills, thus allowing you to communicate more effectively with other people?
Sheldon: Isn't that their burden? I'm the one with something interesting to say.

Quote from the episode The Fish Guts Displacement

Sheldon: It pains me to say it, but I think some form of penalty is in order, so as to discourage this type of behavior in the future.
Amy: I suppose that's fair. What do you suggest?
Sheldon: In a perfect world, I'd lock you in a stockade in the public square. That probably requires a permit.
Amy: I could not be allowed to go to the opening of the next Star Trek movie.
Sheldon: Oh, that seems overly harsh. I mean, you gave in to a human weakness, you didn't kill a man.

Quote from the episode The Propagation Proposition

Sheldon: They wanted you?
Leonard: Yes, Sheldon, they wanted me. I'm smart. I'm nice.
Sheldon: I'm smart. I'm nice. And I can eat cheese without clearing out a room.
Leonard: Are you upset he didn't ask you?
Sheldon: Of course not. I just think it's interesting that of all the people he knows, he thinks you're the best choice.
Leonard: Well, he does. I don't see why Penny is so against this.
Sheldon: Well, perhaps Penny's worried that you haven't considered the emotional toll of knowing there's a child out there who is biologically yours but not actually yours.
Leonard: Wow, that's really insightful.
Sheldon: Yeah, I'm taller than you and I don't have asthma.

Quote from the episode The Conference Valuation

Leonard: Hey, you guys want to make this more interesting?
Sheldon: By establishing a double-blind protocol so we have a foundation to publish? Yes.

Quote from the episode The Celebration Experimentation

Penny: Well, where is he?
Amy: Sheldon?
Leonard: I'll check his room.
Sheldon: Surprise!
Penny: Oh, my God!
Sheldon: Just one example of how birthdays can be terrible. Now, can we please drop this subject and pick a new one? Yeah, I suggest "how thick can a soup get before it becomes a stew?" You know, the answer, it may surprise you.

Quote from the episode The Gyroscopic Collapse

Sheldon: I've been doing a little research on New Jersey, and I was delighted to learn that their chief agricultural product is sod.
Amy: Is it?
Sheldon: Hmm, yes. Yeah, perhaps I've been harder on them than they deserve.

Quote from the episode The Thespian Catalyst

Amy: Perhaps you should consider taking acting lessons.
Sheldon: Acting lessons. Interesting. It might help if I could act as though I care about my students and whether or not they learn.

Quote from the episode The Tenant Disassociation

Penny: What is going on here?
Leonard: You're the tenants association?
Sheldon: (laughs) You should see the look on your face. You might want to tell your wife that there's no "Y" in "pastrami".

Quote from the episode The Perspiration Implementation

Barry Kripke: What's going on with Amy?
Sheldon: Not that it's any of your business, but she broke up with me.
Barry Kripke: Really? Good to know.
Sheldon: "Good to know"? What's that supposed to mean?
Leonard: Oh, I hate to say it, but it sounds like he's interested in her.
Sheldon: Well, that's unacceptable.
Leonard: Oh, buddy, I get that you don't like it. But it's not really up to you.
Sheldon: Yeah, but he's dumb, and his face is dumb.

Quote from the episode The Bus Pants Utilization

Sheldon: You know, Leonard, that's actually a valid idea. Very good.
Leonard: Can you say that and not make it sound like I'm a cat who learned how to use the toilet?
Sheldon: No. The two achievements are equally surprising and equally admirable. Though if pressed, I'd have to give a slight edge to the cat.

Quote from the episode The Thespian Catalyst

Penny: What?
Sheldon: You're an (air quotes) actress, correct?
Penny: I'm not an (air quotes)actress. I'm an actress.
Sheldon: All right. You're an actress. I need you to teach me.
Penny: You want an acting lesson?
Sheldon: Perhaps two. I'd like to master the craft.

Quote from the episode The Conference Valuation

Howard: Okay, you want to engage the babies.
Sheldon: The subjects.
Howard: The babies.
Sheldon: Fine. The babies. Baby-A and Baby-B.

Quote from the episode The Gyroscopic Collapse

Sheldon: And don't forget to Skype me when you arrive.
Amy: I won't.
Sheldon: And every morning.
Amy: Got it.
Sheldon: Now of course, my 9:00 a.m. is your noon, so let's avoid the whole "good morning," "good afternoon" minefield, and let's just say, "Hello."
Amy: Good thinking.

Quote from the episode The Celebration Experimentation

Amy: Can you please just tell me why?
Sheldon: Fine. As you know, I have a twin sister with whom I obviously share a birthday. Every year we'd have a party. No one I invited would ever come, because they didn't like me.
Amy: I'm sorry.
Sheldon: Oh, that part wasn't so bad. I didn't like them, either. But then I'd inevitably spend the whole day being tortured by my sister's friends.
Penny: Oh, you poor thing.
Sheldon: When I was six, they told me Batman was coming to my party. I waited by the door for hours. Closest thing to Batman I saw was when a robin flew into the window.

Quote from the episode The Santa Simulation

Stuart: I take out my skeleton key and run to Santa to unchain him.
Sheldon: But first, I cast a spell of paralysis on Stuart and Howard.
Howard: Wait, what are you doing?
Sheldon: You can't talk, you're paralyzed. I get right up in Santa's big, fat face and say, well, well, well, jolly old Saint Nick, we meet again. Yeah, I believe the last time we spoke was in the Baybrook Mall in Galveston, Texas, when I was five years old, isn't that right?
Leonard: Uh, okay.
Sheldon: My mother dragged me there and she plopped me down on your lap and you asked me what I wanted for Christmas. And I told you, my Pop-Pop, because that was the year my grandfather died. I missed him and I wanted him back.
Leonard: This is weird, right?
Sheldon: Pop-Pop was the only one in my family who encouraged me to pursue science. But you didn't bring him back, did you? No, instead, I got Lincoln Logs. Well, you can build a lot of neat things out of Lincoln Logs, but Pop-Pop ain't one of 'em. And now you're here asking me for something, to save you. Well, sorry, Mr. Kringle, but today's not your day. I'm leaving you here to rot, and I hope the ogres feast on your bones. I take the skeleton key, and I toss it into the chasm, and on the way out, I give Santa a swift kick in his bowl full of jelly.

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