Sheldon Cooper Quotes Page 5 of 262
Quote from the episode Pilot
Penny: So, what do you guys do for fun around here?
Sheldon: Well, today we tried masturbating for money.
Quote from the episode The Bath Item Gift Hypothesis
Sheldon: All I need is a healthy ovum and I can grow my own Leonard Nimoy.
Penny: Okay, all I'm giving you is the napkin, Sheldon.
Quote from the episode The Robotic Manipulation
Sheldon: I am aware of the way humans usually reproduce which is messy, unsanitary and based on living next to you for three years, involves loud and unnecessary appeals to a deity.
Penny: Oh, God.
Sheldon: Yes, exactly.
Quote from the episode The Fuzzy Boots Corollary
Sheldon: I think that you have as much of a chance of having a sexual relationship with Penny as the Hubble telescope does of discovering at the center of every black hole is a little man with a flashlight searching for a circuit breaker.
Quote from the episode The Gothowitz Deviation
Sheldon: You know, I've always wanted to go to a goth nightclub.
Howard: Really?
Sheldon: Bazinga! You never see any of my practical jokes coming, do you?
Quote from the episode The Work Song Nanocluster
Sheldon: I'm sorry, coffee's out of the question. When I moved to California I promised my mother that I wouldn't start doing drugs.
Quote from the episode The Separation Oscillation
Amy: I've seen and talked to you more in the two days we've been broken up than in the last two months we were together.
Sheldon: Well, if you want to see less of me, maybe we should go out again.
Quote from the episode The Alien Parasite Hypothesis
Sheldon: You know, in difficult moments like this, I often turn to a force greater than myself.
Amy: Religion?
Sheldon: Star Trek.
Quote from the episode The Excelsior Acquisition
Sheldon: Good Morning your honor, Dr. Sheldon Cooper appearing in pro se - that is to say representing himself.
Judge: I know what it means, I went to law school.
Sheldon: Yet you wound up in traffic court.
Quote from the episode The Thespian Catalyst
Penny: Mrs. Cooper? Hey, it's Penny. I think I broke your son. Hold on. Talk to your mother.
Sheldon: (Crying) Mommy, I love you. Don't let Spock take me to the future!
Quote from the episode The Jiminy Conjecture
Sheldon: Howard, you know me to be a very smart man. Don't you think that if I were wrong, I'd know it?
Quote from the episode The Skank Reflex Analysis
Sheldon: For the record, I do have genitals. They're functional and aesthetically pleasing.
Quote from the episode The Griffin Equivalency
Sheldon: In Papua New Guinea, there's a tribe when a hunter flaunts his success to the rest of the village, they kill him and drive away evil spirits with a drum made of his skin. Superstitious nonsense, of course, but one can see their point.
Quote from the episode The Helium Insufficiency
Leonard: What are we going to do?
Sheldon: Perform the experiment immediately.
Leonard: I'd love to, but we need liquid helium and our shipment's on back order for a month.
Sheldon: A month? What? Are you kidding me? That would have been a good time for you to soften the blow.
Leonard: That shirt brings out the blue in your eyes.
Sheldon: Thank you. Aren't you sweet?
Quote from the episode The Adhesive Duck Deficiency
Sheldon: Why do you have the Chinese character for 'soup' tattooed on your right buttock?
Penny: It's not 'soup'; it's 'courage'.
Sheldon: No it isn't. But I suppose it does take courage to demonstrate that kind of commitment to soup.
Penny: How'd you see it? You said you wouldn't look.
Sheldon: Sorry. As I told you, the hero always peeks.
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