Sheldon Cooper Quotes Page 5 of 209

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Quote from the episode The Commitment Determination

Penny: Wait, what is wrong with you two? He was talking about television during their date night.
Sheldon: Oh, not just date night. Our 5th anniversary.
Penny: Okay, see, that's even dumber than you wondering if being bitten by a goat would give you the powers of a goat.
Sheldon: If that happens, don't make me wait ten years to watch you eat a tin can.

Quote from the episode The Bath Item Gift Hypothesis

Sheldon: All I need is a healthy ovum and I can grow my own Leonard Nimoy.
Penny: Okay, all I'm giving you is the napkin, Sheldon.

Quote from the episode The Thespian Catalyst

Penny: Mrs. Cooper? Hey, it's Penny. I think I broke your son. Hold on. Talk to your mother.
Sheldon: (Crying) Mommy, I love you. Don't let Spock take me to the future!

Quote from the episode The Work Song Nanocluster

Sheldon: I'm sorry, coffee's out of the question. When I moved to California I promised my mother that I wouldn't start doing drugs.

Quote from the episode The Wheaton Recurrence

Sheldon: Well, well, well, if it isn't Wil Wheaton. The Green Goblin to my Spider-Man, the Pope Paul V to my Galileo, the Internet Explorer to my Firefox!

Quote from the episode The Jiminy Conjecture

Sheldon: Howard, you know me to be a very smart man. Don't you think that if I were wrong, I'd know it?

Quote from the episode The Bath Item Gift Hypothesis

Sheldon: Sheldon: Oh, Penny. I know you think you're being generous, but the foundation of gift-giving is reciprocity. You haven't given me a gift, you've given me an obligation.
Howard: Don't feel bad, Penny, it's a classic rookie mistake. My first Hanukkah with Sheldon, he yelled at me for eight nights.
Penny: Now, honey, it's okay.You don't have to get me anything in return.
Sheldon: Of course I do. The essence of the custom is that I now have to go out and purchase for you a gift of commensurate value and representing the same perceived level of friendship as that represented by the gift you've given me. It's no wonder suicide rates skyrocket this time of year.
Penny: Okay, you know what? Forget it. I'm not giving you a present.
Sheldon: No, it's too late. I see it. That elf sticker says to Sheldon. The die has been cast, the moving finger has writ, Hannibal has crossed the Alps.

Quote from the episode The Adhesive Duck Deficiency

Sheldon: Why do you have the Chinese character for 'soup' tattooed on your right buttock?
Penny: It's not 'soup'; it's 'courage'.
Sheldon: No it isn't. But I suppose it does take courage to demonstrate that kind of commitment to soup.
Penny: How'd you see it? You said you wouldn't look.
Sheldon: Sorry. As I told you, the hero always peeks.

Quote from the episode The Excelsior Acquisition

Sheldon: Good Morning your honor, Dr. Sheldon Cooper appearing in pro se - that is to say representing himself.
Judge: I know what it means, I went to law school.
Sheldon: Yet you wound up in traffic court.

Quote from the episode The Fuzzy Boots Corollary

Sheldon: I think that you have as much of a chance of having a sexual relationship with Penny as the Hubble telescope does of discovering at the center of every black hole is a little man with a flashlight searching for a circuit breaker.

Quote from the episode The Alien Parasite Hypothesis

Sheldon: You know, in difficult moments like this, I often turn to a force greater than myself.
Amy: Religion?
Sheldon: Star Trek.

Quote from the episode The Desperation Emanation

Sheldon: We no longer live at 2311 Los Robles, we live at 311 Los Robles. *Holds up number 2 fixture*
Leonard: You changed the address on the building? What about mail?
Sheldon: No worries, I explained our predicament to our letter carrier. He was sympathetic, his exact words were "Got your back Jack. Bitches be crazy!"

Quote from the episode The Apology Insufficiency

Wolowitz: But you love that spot.
Sheldon: No, I love my mother. My feelings for my spot are much greater.

Quote from the episode The Skank Reflex Analysis

Sheldon: For the record, I do have genitals. They're functional and aesthetically pleasing.

Quote from the episode The Gothowitz Deviation

Leonard: I'm just saying, you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.
Sheldon: You catch even more with manure, what's your point?

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