Sheldon: I've been told that a bald refusal of an invitation is rude and one must instead offer up a polite excuse. So, I'd love to but unfortunately that sounds awful.

Leonard: Wait, you went to a chapel?
Penny: Yeah.
Leonard: Why?
Penny: We had one of those silly fake weddings.
Leonard: Penny, you know those are real, right?
Penny: No they're not.
Leonard: Yeah, they are.
Penny: No they're not.
Sheldon: He's right.
Amy: They're real.
Penny: But it didn't seem real.
Sheldon: Let me ask you a question. At any point was Las Vegas on its side?

Amy: *knocks* Sheldon, can I come in?
Sheldon: Do you have cookies?
Amy: No.
Sheldon: Good, because I don't deserve cookies. Come in.

Sheldon: *On the phone with President Siebert* For your information, I have nine friends. Ten if we include you. ... Nine it is.
Sheldon: It's ten. I'll count Wolowitz.

Sheldon: I'm going to go inside, put on my cosiest pajamas, curl up with a good book and wait for this nightmare to be over.

Sheldon: I've read that there are great yogis who have such mastery over their bodies that they can draw water in through their genitals.
Penny: Yeah, well I don't think we're gonna get to do that today.
Sheldon: Too bad. It seems like a good way to drink a milkshake without getting brain freeze.

Sheldon: Hey, Los Angeles. I'm on a ferris wheel with Darth Vader and he's nicer than you think.
James Earl Jones: I am!

Leonard: Penny and I are going to go shop for a dining room table. Do you want to come with us?
Sheldon: I'd love to, but I'm too busy falling back in love with Windows 98.
Leonard: Seriously? You haven't used this desk in years. The second I want to get rid of it you're up here working.
Sheldon: I can't talk right now. I have several thousand updates to install.

Sheldon: You were really going to stand by me against the dining room table?
Amy: Of course I was.
Sheldon: Wait, how do I know you're not manipulating me right now?
Amy: I think if I were manipulating you, you'd be smart enough to see it.
Sheldon: How do I know you're not saying that as part of the manipulation?
Amy: You'd be smart enough to see that too.
Sheldon: Okay. Sorry I gave you such a hard time. I just had to be sure.

Sheldon: And now that I think about it. I stood in front of a case of iPods and I bought a Zune.
Amy: What's a Zune?
Sheldon: Exactly! It's an MP3 people brought to us by the makers of Xbox.

Sheldon: When Darth Vader struck down Obi-Wan, did Luke cry like a baby and go to his funeral?
Penny: No. He blew up the death star. ... Why do I know this?

Sheldon: Amy, may I please have a moment of privacy to speak with my roommate?
Amy: We're in a moving car! What do you expect me to do, stick my fingers in my ears?
Sheldon: I was thinking put your head out the window like a dog, but that'll work.

Howard: You reported me to human resources?
Sheldon: You violated the sanctity of my mouth.

Sheldon: It's an earthquake. I knew it.
Penny: Sheldon, it's just a little tremor.
Sheldon: A little tremor that turns routine sinus surgery into a frontal lobotomy.

Sheldon: If I could, I would run each and every one of you viewers up a flag pole and salute you. And if you touch the ground, burn you.