Zack: Wow, this place is awesome. Where do they keep the Archies?
Sheldon: In the bedrooms of ten-year-old girls, where they belong.
Zack: Oh, no, you're thinking old-school Archie. It's much more sophisticated now. Like, there's two universes, and Archie's married to Betty in one and Veronica in the other. Midge is even breaking up with Moose.
Raj: No.
Zack: About time, right?
Stuart: Hey.
Zack: Hey.
Stuart: You guys finally chip in for a bodyguard?
Leonard: Uh, no. Oh, this is Zack. He's a friend of ours. Zack, this is Stuart. He owns the store.
Zack: Wow, lucky you.
Stuart: Yeah, I work 70 hours a week and average a dollar sixty five an hour.
Zack: Sweet.
Stuart: Is that sarcasm?
Howard: Uh, no, it's an indictment of the American education system.
Raj: The Archies are over here.
Zack: Yippee.

Zack: Hey, Penny, how's it going?
Penny: Hey, Zack, what are you doing here?
Zack: My dad's company prints the menus for this place. I'm just dropping off some new ones, laminated. Makes 'em easier to clean if people throw up on 'em. Guess how I got the idea?
Penny: Yeah, I got it, I got it.

Leonard: So, how'd you two guys meet?
Zack: My company designs the menus for the Cheesecake Factory.
Leonard: Your company?
Zack: Well, it's my dad's, but me and my sister are VPs.
Leonard: So, menus?
Zack: I know it sounds easy but there's a lot of science that goes in designing them.

Zack: Hey, I want to see this laser thing.
Penny: Oh, but what about the party?
Zack: It's a surprise party, doesn't matter when we get there.

Leonard: Don't worry about the moon. We, we set our laser to stun.
Zack: Smart.
Leonard: Now, we'll be able to see the beam when it leaves, but it won't be strong enough when it comes back to be seen by the naked eye.
Zack: (chuckling) Naked.

Zack: Are you guys fighting?
Penny: Yeah.
Leonard: No.
Zack: Are you fighting about whether or not you're fighting? 'Cause I've had that fight before. Turns out we were, and I lost.

Penny: Leonard thinks when we broke up, it didn't bother me.
Zack: That's crazy. When we were going out, she used to talk about you all the time. In fact, I think she only dated me because I reminded her of you.
Leonard: Sure. Because we're both people?
Zack: Damn right we are.

Zack: Oh, also, there was that video about how much she missed you.
Penny: What video?
Zack: The one on the laptop. I didn't mean to invade your privacy, but I am a huge snoop. Ask my neighbor. She'll tell you. But not right now; she's in the shower.

Leonard: So do you have it?
Zack: Of course I do. Penny gave it to me as a gift. You don't get rid of something like that.

Zack: So good to see you guys. Man, we should do this more often.
Penny: Come over to get laptops back from you?
Zack: Totally.

Zack: Penny, what's up?
Penny: Hey, uh, so I've been thinking about it and I want to take the job.
Zack: Oh, bad news. When my fiance found out that I was offering a job to my ex-girlfriend, she said it was a stupid idea and threw a shoe at me.
Penny: Oh, so there's no job?
Zack: Nope, just a little bump on my forehead.

Penny: Oh, that's a nice offer.
Zack: You know, we'd make a great team. Or as we say in the menu business, I can't do this without Me N U.
Penny: Right, 'cause it spells "menu."
Zack: Yeah, right? It's funny. I got a lot of menu jokes, but that's my favorite.

Penny: Yeah, lying isn't my favorite part of the job. Actually, I'm not crazy about a lot of it.
Zack: Hey, if you're not happy there, I've been looking for a new head of sales at my company. And we don't sell drugs, just menus, so the only lie you'll be telling is we print on recycled paper. We don't.

Penny: Hey, where's your fiance?
Zack: Oh, she couldn't make it. She had an emergency.
Penny: Oh, no, what happened?
Zack: I didn't ask.

Zack: Hey, we should all have dinner sometime.
Penny: Uh, yeah, sure, I'll check with Leonard.
Zack: Cool, I'll check with Sara. (To his phone) Sara, pull up my calendar. It never works for me.