Sheldon: Physicist, baker, lover, what can't I do?

Penny: I didn't know you could drink while you were breastfeeding.
Bernadette: Yeah, they say the yeast in beer helps with milk production.
Amy: I'm pretty sure that's a myth. Let me check.
Bernadette: Ruin it for me, and I'll break this glass over your head.

Penny: You want food?
Bernadette: Yeah, breastfeeding burns, like, 5,000 calories a day. (To Amy) Do not touch that phone!

Sheldon: I started doing some reading on cognitive vitality, and I came across an area of research called "super-aging."
Raj: You know who's a super-ager? Jennifer Lopez. Like, what is her secret?

Howard: I can't believe you made fun of me all these years while you were a closeted ventriloquist.
Bernadette: Okay, it's not like I wanted to be a ventriloquist. I was in beauty pageants and I needed a talent besides spreading rumors that the other contestants were pregnant.

Penny: Oh, that's a nice offer.
Zack: You know, we'd make a great team. Or as we say in the menu business, I can't do this without Me N U.
Penny: Right, 'cause it spells "menu."
Zack: Yeah, right? It's funny. I got a lot of menu jokes, but that's my favorite.

Amy: His mother warned me. Everybody warned me. Actually, he warned me.

Leonard: Don't you think it might be a little weird to work for someone you used to date?
Penny: You work with Sheldon, you tell me.
Leonard: Yeah, it's weird.

Amy: Have you tried letting go of the rope?
Sheldon: What, are you crazy? I'm on a unicycle.
Amy: All right, well, have fun.
Sheldon: Wait, I need help getting down.
Amy: Well, what do you want me to do?
Sheldon: Drag out our mattress and put it over here, then go across the hall, get their mattress and put it over here. But before you do any of that, scratch my nose.

Penny: See, that wasn't so bad. He even picked up the check.
Leonard: Yeah. Although, when he was trying to figure out the tip, I'm pretty sure I saw smoke coming out of his ears.

Leonard: How is super-aging any different than, like, doing crossword puzzles?
Sheldon: Well, it's not just doing simple cognitive tasks. You need to push your brain out of its comfort zone and reach mental exhaustion.
Leonard: I drive you to work every day, my brain must look like the Hulk.

Penny: Uh, what's new?
Zack: Oh, tons of stuff. Put artificial grass in my backyard, got engaged, had a scary mole that turned out to be Sharpie.
Penny: Well, congratulations.
Zack: That's what my dermatologist said.
Penny: No, on getting engaged, good for you.
Zack: Oh, thanks.

Amy: Well, clearly mental tasks are not enough. Maybe you need to challenge your motor skills.
Sheldon: For the last time, I am not having a tickle fight with you.

Howard: All right, this is everything. What do you want to learn?
Sheldon: It really doesn't matter, as long as it's challenging.
Howard: Okay, well, how about, oh, I teach you some close-up magic.
Sheldon: Howard, I'm trying to make myself uncomfortable, not everyone else.

Leonard: You're not really considering working for him, are you?
Penny: Well, maybe, I mean, it seems kind of perfect. I have sales experience, and I've been a waitress, so I have restaurant experience, and if he's figuring out my Christmas bonus, we could buy a boat.

Bernadette: So you wanted to learn something physical and you came to Howard Wolowitz?

Zack: Do you have a bodyguard to keep spies away?
Leonard: I have Sheldon, that keeps most people away.
Zack: I miss that guy. He's like the Swedish Chef Muppet. I don't know what he's saying, but he's funny.
Leonard: Oh, I know what he's saying, and he's not, he's not funny.

Penny: Yeah, lying isn't my favorite part of the job. Actually, I'm not crazy about a lot of it.
Zack: Hey, if you're not happy there, I've been looking for a new head of sales at my company. And we don't sell drugs, just menus, so the only lie you'll be telling is we print on recycled paper. We don't.

Sheldon: Amy, look, I'm on a unicycle!
Amy: How did you get from croissants to a unicycle?
Sheldon: I hurt myself juggling.

Penny: So he's my ex-boyfriend, who cares? I can't believe Leonard would be so insecure.
Bernadette: Really? I have no trouble believing that at all.
Penny: And Zack's engaged. Leonard has no reason to feel threatened.
Bernadette: We're talking about the same Leonard, right?

Leonard: So you think it's fine if she works for Zack?
Howard: I don't know. Maybe.
Raj: Well, he is much more attractive than Leonard.
Howard: Yes, but that's gonna be true of a lot of guys she works for.
Leonard: Yeah, but she also used to sleep with Zack.
Howard: Again...

Bernadette: I would never let Howard work with an ex.
Penny: What, you wouldn't trust him?
Bernadette: I wouldn't trust her. He's thin and sexy like a Jewish greyhound.
Penny: Yeah, that - that is the sexiest dog.

Bernadette: And I'd like to think Howie wouldn't take a job I was uncomfortable with.
Penny: 'Cause he's scared of you?
Bernadette: Terrified.
Penny: Yeah.

Amy: Sheldon, is it possible that when things get really difficult, you just give up?
Sheldon: Are you calling me a quitter?
Amy: Well, if you honestly-
Sheldon: This conversation is over.

Amy: I made you tea.
Sheldon: Thank you.
Amy: I'm sorry I called you a quitter.
Sheldon: It's okay, I stopped being upset about that. And no, the irony is not lost on me.

Zack: Penny, what's up?
Penny: Hey, uh, so I've been thinking about it and I want to take the job.
Zack: Oh, bad news. When my fiance found out that I was offering a job to my ex-girlfriend, she said it was a stupid idea and threw a shoe at me.
Penny: Oh, so there's no job?
Zack: Nope, just a little bump on my forehead.

Howard: Oh, and I'm a dork for juggling.
Bernadette: Sorry, you're not a dork. (Southern accent): You're a clown. (Regular voice): Tammy Jo, don't say that, you'll make him feel bad. (Southern accent): Look at him, what reason he got to feel good?
Howard: All right, very funny.
Bernadette: Don't listen to her, she's been in a box for, like, 25 years. (chuckles) (Southern accent) Yeah, back when his haircut was fashionable.

Zack: Penny?
Penny: Oh, Zack. Hey.
Zack: What are the odds of running into you here?
Penny: Well, it's a bar, so pretty good.

Bernadette: So you wanted to learn something physical and you came to Howard Wolowitz?
Howard: Hey, the circus arts are very physically and mentally demanding. Have you ever tried to juggle?
Bernadette: Yes, I'm juggling my love for you and my embarrassment of you right now.
Howard: And it's hard, isn't it?

Sheldon: Shall we?
Raj: Oh, my God. It's light, it's flaky, it's buttery. You don't need to have sex with him, just eat one of these.

Sheldon: What happened to me? I used to excel at these things.
Howard: Kids are always better at video games.
Sheldon: Well, I don't like it.
Leonard: If it makes you feel better, you still dress like a child.

Raj: Well, I know how you feel. I tried one of those electronic Japanese toilets, practically shot myself across the room.

Zack: So, Penny, what's going on with you? How's the job?
Penny: Uh, it's okay, I'm still in pharmaceutical sales.
Leonard: She's doing amazing. She can actually make a side effect, like 10% chance of liver failure, sound like a 90% chance of liver success.

Zack: How about you? Hey, how's Leonard? Is he still smart?
Penny: Yes, yes, he's working for the government on an infinite persistence gyroscope. Of course, the first time I say it right, he's not even here.

Howard: Now, this is rare. I don't know which one of you I want to stop talking first.
Sheldon: The theory is that if you really tax your brain, the neurofibers will become thicker and the glial cells more lustrous.
Raj: Like JLo's hair.
Howard: Boy, it is neck and neck right now.

Penny: Hey, you ready to go?
Leonard: Yeah, I guess.
Penny: What's the matter?
Leonard: Honestly? It's a little strange having dinner with your ex-boyfriend, and it's not like we have a lot to talk about.
Penny: What? He loves you, okay? And he's interested in your work. You could talk about the infinite perspective -- I swear I know it.

Raj: You want a real challenge, try keeping me from eating more of these.
Sheldon: You're just using food to mask the fear that you're fundamentally unlovable and therefore going to be alone forever.
Raj: Damn it, he's good at that, too.

Raj: If you really want to challenge yourself, you could learn to speak Hindi.
Sheldon: Jab mein aat saal ka tha Maine seekha tha.
Raj: Could you say that in English? I actually, I never learned Hindi.

Zack: Hey, we should all have dinner sometime.
Penny: Uh, yeah, sure, I'll check with Leonard.
Zack: Cool, I'll check with Sara. (To his phone) Sara, pull up my calendar. It never works for me.

Amy: Okay, fine, let's say you never win a Nobel Prize. Let's say you spend your life doing solid scientific research surrounded by friends and loved ones who appreciate you, not for what you've accomplished but for who you are as a man. Wouldn't that be a life well-lived?
Sheldon: You're so cute. I'm going to go learn how to walk on stilts.
Amy: So many warnings.

Amy: What happened to learning the unicycle?
Sheldon: Oh, I stopped that, it was dumb. Uni, bi, tri, menstrual, all cycles are dumb.
Amy: You said juggling was dumb, too.
Sheldon: Well, it is. If I wanted to hold three things at once, I'd wear cargo pants.

Amy: What smells so good?
Sheldon: Raj is teaching me to make croissants.
Amy: Is this part of your super-aging?
Sheldon: Yes. Yeah, it seemed daunting at first, but then I realized, it's like the chemistry set I had as a kid.
Only, when your brother eats this, no one has to call Poison Control.

Amy: Well, if you're really worried about your career, maybe you should consider spending a little less time with video games and comic books.
Sheldon: Hey! I thought you were sweet on me.

Amy: What are you reading?
Sheldon: This article says the peak age for making a Nobel Prize-winning discovery is 40.
Amy: So?
Sheldon: So, I'm running out of time.
Amy: That's ridiculous, you're a brilliant man. The best years of your life are still ahead of you.
Sheldon: Oh, you have to say that, you're sweet on me.

Howard: Okay, challenge them again.
Leonard: Doing it right now. Oh, they can't. There's an important Little League game tomorrow.
Howard: No wonder they beat us, they're jocks.

Penny: Hey, where's your fiance?
Zack: Oh, she couldn't make it. She had an emergency.
Penny: Oh, no, what happened?
Zack: I didn't ask.

Sheldon: No, but it's not just video games. I downloaded the new O.S. for my phone. Took me a week to stop accidentally texting kissy faces to everyone.
Howard: Oh, so our love is not real?

Sheldon: I've been thinking about our recent humiliation.
Leonard: You're gonna have to be more specific.
Sheldon: At the hands of those teenagers.
Leonard: More.
Sheldon: Boy teenagers.
Leonard: Oh, the video game. Yeah, that was bad.

Amy: What are you doing?
Sheldon: I'm returning this stuff to Howard.
Amy: Oh, Bernadette made me promise if you didn't want it, we'd give it to a homeless clown.

Howard: You know what? I'm with Leonard, this isn't cool.
Leonard: Thank you.
Raj: I disagree. Penny is a strong, independent woman. The more you try to control her, the more she'll push back.
Leonard: So you think it's okay?
Raj: Oh, no, she's gonna leave you for someone, might as well get it over with.

Penny: Come on, I spent an entire plane ride with you talking about the trailer for Deadpool 2.
Leonard: Ha! I knew you weren't asleep.

Sheldon: I guess I just need to face it, I'm no longer a wunderkind. Now I just wonder what's for lunch.
Leonard: Hot dogs.
Sheldon: Yay.

Howard: So the key is, the moment one ball is at the top of its arc, you toss the next one.
Sheldon: Okay, I think I got that.
Howard: Uh, h-hold on. There's an old saying in juggling.
Bernadette: Is it "I'm going to die alone"?
Howard: No, it's "if you want to have fun, start with one." Yours we think, but we do not say.

Sheldon: Just to be on the safe side, am I in any danger of getting juggler's elbow?
Howard: No.
Sheldon: Are you sure? 'Cause I'm feeling a twinge.

Howard: So you told her she was being dumb?
Leonard: No, I told her she was being not smart. Which was dumb.
Raj: Why did you even go to dinner with the guy?
Leonard: We covered this, I'm dumb.

Amy: Where did you get it?
Sheldon: Howard said I could borrow it, Bernadette said forever.

Leonard: We're pinned down!
Howard: We can't get through!
Raj: Sheldon, get over here and help!
Sheldon: Okay, one second.
Leonard: Sheldon, why are you jumping up and down?
Sheldon: I'm trying to shoot.
Howard: Then use the shoot button, not the "wonderful thing about Tiggers" button!