Leonard: How much money did he win?
Raj: Over half a million dollars.
Leonard: Wow.
Howard: And he doesn't have to use it for research, he can do whatever he wants with it.
Sheldon: Oh, good, maybe he can build a nicer bridge to live under.

Howard: Here he comes.
Leonard: Right. Be polite.
Sheldon: I know how to behave.
Howard: Do you?

Raj: Hey, congratulations Bert!
Leonard: Yeah, good for you.
Howard: That's amazing.
Bert: Thanks. I was as surprised as anybody. When they called and told me I won, I didn't believe them.
And then they said, "No, you really won." And then I said, "Cool."
Sheldon: Someone call George R. R. Martin, this guy knows how to finish a story.
Bert: I've gotten pretty good at telling it. Well, see ya.
Sheldon: Some genius. I zinged him with sarcasm, he didn't even notice.
Leonard: I know, and it was the greatest sarcastic quip I've ever heard.
Sheldon: Well, aren't you a peach.

Leonard: Ignore him, he's just cranky because Bert from the geology lab won a big grant.
Penny: Oh, I heard him interviewed on the radio! You know, when they told him he won, he didn't believe it, but then he did believe it. It was so funny.
Sheldon: Who listens to the radio any more?

Bernadette: Howie, it's in poor taste.
Howard: No, it's not. Check it out. He says fun stuff.
Remote Control Stephen Hawking: Hey good lookin', want to go for a spin? (Howard spins the toy around)
Howard: His eyes also light up in the dark.

Sheldon: Ye -- why? (turning the page) Eh, why?! (turning the page) Oh, that's why.
Amy: Sounds like the night we had coitus.

Raj: What's this button do?
Remote Control Stephen Hawking: Gentlemen, start your wheelchairs.
*Raj stares disapprovingly at Howard*
Howard: You laughed when that guy got hit in the nuts.
Raj: I laughed because the guy was Leonard.

Leonard: You know, I do understand what you're feeling. My brother and sister's accomplishments have always been held over my head.
Sheldon: How did you deal with it?
Leonard: I wet the bed until college, but I don't think that's a quality fix.

Amy: What happened?
Sheldon: I tried to let go of anger and threw a rock into my foot!
Leonard: Then he got more angry and kicked the rock with his other foot.
Penny: Wha--? And what happened to you?
Leonard: Oh, I laughed so hard, I burst a blood vessel in my nose.

Amy: You know, it's one thing to be envious, but now you're injuring yourself. It has to stop.
Leonard: Although if you are gonna do it again, please let me know, so I can get it on video.

Sheldon: You know, I just need to keep reminding myself that Bert's success is not my failure.
Penny: (enthusiastically) There you go.
Sheldon: And that men of his large stature are more susceptible to a wide array of life-threatening diseases.
Penny: (unenthusiastically) There you go.

Sheldon: Top of the afternoon, gentlemen.
Howard: You're in a good mood.
Sheldon: Well, it's a new day. I have a new outlook. You know, I realized I don't need to worry about other people. I just need to think more about myself.
Leonard: Oh, how will we ever get used to the new you?

Sheldon: Bert? I wanted to let you know that I read your research, and your award is well-deserved.
Bert: Thanks. I've been hearing that a lot. Ever since I won, people think I'm great.
Sheldon: Well, just this once, you can count me as people, too.

Bert: You know, as a MacArthur Grant winner, I'm allowed to nominate someone for next year.
Sheldon: Really? I didn't know that.
Bert: So I was thinking, you know, engineers don't get a lot of respect. Is your friend Howard working on anything cool?
Sheldon: You know, I'm not sure. You know, you'd have to ask him. Excuse me.
*Sheldon walks into the hallway and hurts himself again*

Sheldon: (off-screen) Leonard! I hurt myself again.
Leonard: Excuse me, I have to go take some pictures.