Quotes from ‘The Comic-Con Conundrum’

The Comic-Con Conundrum

'The Comic-Con Conundrum' - Season 10, Episode 17

After a newly cash-strapped†Raj†puts Sheldon in charge of his finances, he's disappointed to learn that he might not be able to afford to attend Comic-Con this year. Meanwhile, Penny decides to go with Leonard to Comic-Con this year.

Air Date: February 23, 2017.

Quote from Bernadette

Bernadette: If you don't know how to make lasagna, Google does.

Quote from Amy

Penny: So, do you want to come?
Amy: No, thanks. I already live in a place all the nerds come to.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: Now we're going as Hulk and She-Hulk. I don't want to take my shirt off at Comic-Con.
Sheldon: If I may speak for Comic-Con, we don't want that either.

Quote from Raj

Sheldon: He also has a remarkable amount of credit card debt.
Howard: I thought your dad paid your cards.
Raj: I have a card for emergencies that I pay for myself.
Sheldon: What emergency happened at the L.A. Zoo?
Raj: That's a penguin I sponsor. They're losing their homes to global warming, and my car gets, like, seven miles a gallon, so I felt bad.

Quote from Raj

Raj: Oh, Double Stuf Oreos, I remember when I could afford you.

Quote from Amy

Penny: Please? I went to your boring thing last month.
Amy: My aunt's funeral?
Penny: Come on, even you checked your e-mail during the eulogy.

Quote from Amy

Penny: It's not that I want to go, I just think it'll make Leonard happy. And if I have to watch him squeeze into an Ewok costume, so be it.
Amy: Look at you, going to Comic-Con, talking about Ewoks. I really have become the cool one around here.

Quote from Stuart

Raj: I can't believe Penny's gonna get to go, and I'm not.
Sheldon: You can always watch the panels online. Oh, boy, we do say that a lot.
Stuart: "Panels." Just wanted to be included.

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: Okay, so this is the main Comic-Con floor. It's where all the vendors and exhibits are.
Penny: Wow, that is a lot of people jammed in there.
Leonard: I know. Sometimes Howard wears a striped shirt so we can play "Where's Wolowitz?"

Quote from Penny

Leonard: Here's the hotel room we all share.
Penny: Well, you and I would get our own room, right?
Leonard: Every hotel is booked. But, yeah, see this space here between Sheldon's feet and my head? That's where you go.
Penny: Well, it's no different than when Sheldon used to climb in bed with us during a thunderstorm.

Quote from Sheldon

Amy: Sounds like everyone's staying home. What do you say?
Sheldon: Nuts to that, I'm going to Comic-Con!
Amy: By yourself?
Sheldon: Not necessarily. I have four months to find some new friends.
Stuart: I'll go with you.
Sheldon: That's very kind of you, Stuart. Check back in with me in July.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: There's my pretty girlfriend.
Amy: I'm not going with you to Comic-Con.
Sheldon: What? Can't a man just be happy to see his woman and pat her on her second most erogenous ball-and-socket joint?
Amy: He can, but it's still not changing my mind.
Sheldon: Well, maybe what's in my pants will change your mind. It's a list of this year's panelists. It's long, isn't it?

Quote from Penny

Amy: Why don't you just tell him you don't want to go?
Penny: I can't, it'll break his heart. You know, he's always making an effort to do things with me he doesn't enjoy, like going outside.
Amy: He is an indoor cat.

Quote from Penny

Leonard: We're helping Raj figure out his finances.
Penny: Well, he has a job. How bad can it be?
Sheldon: Well, his rent and car lease are exceedingly high. You couple that with his penchant for dining out and shopping-
Penny: Wait, wait. Not shopping for clothes, right? Because look. (points to Raj)

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: Maybe you should find someone to help you get your finances under control.
Raj: Like a business manager?
Sheldon: No, absolutely not. You can't afford to hire someone who'll forbid you from spending your money on foolish expenses. That is a foolish expense, and I forbid it.

Quote from Sheldon

Howard: What if there's someone who just likes controlling other people and stealing joy from their lives?
Sheldon: He sounds like a sociopath.
Leonard: We don't know, his mother never had him tested.
Sheldon: You're talking about me. Very funny. Although I would enjoy drawing up a budget and forcing Raj to adhere to it without an ounce of compassion.

Quote from Penny

Penny: Oh, let me guess. You guys are drafting your fantasy accounting firms.

Quote from Howard

Raj: Okay, Sheldon. Yeah, I'm putting you in charge of my finances. I will not spend another penny that you don't authorize.
Sheldon: Very well. Hey, Comic-Con tickets go on sale this Friday. You can't buy one.
Howard: Oh, better luck next time, Pink Cheeks.

Quote from Leonard

Howard: You actually think Penny will have fun at Comic-Con?
Leonard: No. Which will make me miserable, which is usually Sheldon's job.

Quote from Leonard

Sheldon: She's gonna hate waiting in line for the panels.
Howard: She's gonna hate all the crowds at the panels.
Sheldon: She's gonna hate the panels.
Leonard: She's gonna hate how often we say the word "panels."

Quote from Sheldon

Raj: Come on, Sheldon, it's Comic-Con. Just let me have the money for this, and I won't ask for anything else.
Sheldon: You put me in charge of your finances. If you wanted someone weak and spineless you could walk all over, you should have asked Leonard.
Leonard: See? Miserable.

Quote from Howard

Raj: Okay, you're right, I got myself into this, but I've never missed a Comic-Con with you guys.
Sheldon: Your father may have spoiled you, but I won't. If you want a ticket to Comic-Con, I suggest you figure out a way to earn the money yourself.
Howard: Yeah, you're a grown man who's highly educated. You could charge people money to punch you.

Quote from Bernadette

Howard: Mm, how's my favorite girl?
Bernadette: Okay.
Howard: What you doing?
Bernadette: Making lasagna.
Howard: Oh, she's sexy, she can cook. I'm such a lucky guy.
Bernadette: You want something stupid, or you did something stupid?
Howard: No. I just walked in here, saw how beautiful you are and had to tell you.
Bernadette: Oh, dear God, you're cheating on me with Raj.
Howard: (false giggle) Never gets old.

Quote from Howard

Bernadette: It's so hard to say no to you.
Howard: Thank you.
Bernadette: So I'll say maybe.
Howard: What? Why?
Bernadette: You said tickets don't go on sale till Friday, right?
Howard: Yeah.
Bernadette: You said you were gonna do all this stuff for me, right?
Howard: (losing enthusiasm) Yeah.
Bernadette: See where I'm going with this?
Howard: (dejected) Yeah.

Quote from Stuart

Stuart: Okay, I can give you 20 bucks for the whole box.
Raj: But you charged me hundreds for this stuff. I know.
Stuart: And I did it with a straight face.

Quote from Stuart

Stuart: I'll give you 25 bucks. That's my best offer.
Raj: I have no choice.
Stuart: You know, if you want to make extra money, I could throw some work your way.
Raj: Really? I'll do anything.
Stuart: Great, you're hired. First thing you can do is put price tags on these. Start the little ones at $50.

Quote from Howard

Howard: What do you want?
Raj: I'm looking to make extra money and was wondering if you had any chores I could do.
Howard: Hang on. Bernie, can I outsource my chores to an Indian guy?
Bernadette: No!
Howard: I tried.

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: Hey, I was thinking, if you want to do a couples costume, we could paint ourselves green and be Hulk and She-Hulk. Or we could paint ourselves blue and go as Nightcrawler and Mystique.
Penny: Is there any scenario where we're not in full body paint?
Leonard: Yeah, if you want us to look like losers.

Quote from Howard

Bernadette: He's such a sweetie.
Howard: I know, I wish there was some way we could help him.
Bernadette: If he could find a girl with a good job, all his problems would be over.
Howard: (scrubbing the inside of the oven) Yeah, that's working out great for me.

Quote from Stuart

Howard: This is for you.
Raj: What's this?
Bernadette: It's back pay for all the babysitting and taking care of Halley you've done.
Howard: There's more than enough in there to cover Comic-Con.
Stuart: Um, I also take care of Halley.
Bernadette: And you live here for free.
Stuart: I do, ma'am, thank you, ma'am.

Quote from Howard

Howard: You know what, I'm not gonna go either. I'm a father now. I'd rather spend time with my family.
Bernadette: You just don't want to go alone with Sheldon.
Howard: (rushing out of the room) I'm gonna go check on dinner.

Quote from Sheldon

Raj: How bad is it?
Sheldon: Let me put it this way. Do you own a barrel and suspenders?
Raj: Are you serious?
Sheldon: I'm not wearing this visor to play women's golf.

Quote from Howard

Howard: Dinner's almost ready. If you like meatloaf, I'm sure you'll like its cousin, bowl of meat.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: So they're both trying to make each other happy, and the end result is they make each other sad? That's hilarious.

Quote from Raj

Leonard: What is Pink Cheeks?
Raj: It's intimate waxing. Quit looking at that!

Quote from Sheldon

Raj: I've been plenty of times. If I miss one, it's fine. I'm a big boy.
Sheldon: I'm a big boy, and if I missed one, I'd throw a big-boy tantrum.

Quote from Leonard

Howard: Why don't you just tell her not to come?
Leonard: Well, she's so excited, I can't do that to her.
Howard: What if you make it sound so bad she won't want to go?
Leonard: That I would do to her.

Quote from Sheldon

Raj: Go ahead, make jokes. I don't know why you think you're going to Comic-Con. You just had a baby.
Howard: So?
Raj: Well, so? So you think Bernadette's just gonna let you jet down to San Diego for five days and leave her alone?
Leonard: Hang on. So I have to bring Penny, you can't afford it, Howard's gonna get in trouble, and this guy gets to have a great time.
Sheldon: I'm gonna go as Dumbledore.

Quote from Howard

Howard: Well, Comic-Con tickets go on sale this Friday, and I was hoping I could go with the guys. But before you say anything, I'll make up for being gone by doing everything around here. I mean everything. I'm even gonna answer for you. (Imitating Bernadette's voice) Yes, Howard, you can go.

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: This is us camping out in line for the Avengers panel.
Penny: Oh, you really sleep on the sidewalk, huh?
Leonard: Yeah. It can get chilly, but Raj figured out that if you pee in a bottle and put it in your sleeping bag, it helps keep you warm.

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: Don't worry, we won't be doing much sleeping anyway. It's like an all-night party. There's trivia contests and Dungeons & Dragons. As we like to say, it's "off the chain mail."

Quote from Penny

Penny: You know, maybe it won't be that bad. Leonard says it's really mainstream now. Comic books aren't just for sad nerds anymore. (Penny drives past Raj, dressed as Aquaman, twirling a sign for Stuart's comic book store) I mean, it is still a key part of their demographic.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: I'm always honest with Amy. The other day she said she was self-conscious about the beauty mark on her shoulder, and I said, "You know, you can call that a beauty mark all you want. When there's hair growing out of it, that's a mole."
Leonard: Do you think she's as honest with you?
Sheldon: I should hope so. When she called me an insensitive jerk, I'd like to think she meant it.

Quote from Bernadette

Howard: There's got to be other ways you can make a quick buck.
Raj: Yeah, you'd think. (Bernadette enters with shopping) Ooh, maybe I could sell my blood and sperm.
Bernadette: I really should wear a bell around my neck so you guys can hear me coming.

Quote from Sheldon

Amy: Penny says they're ready to go. Very well.
Sheldon: Prepare for a long night of deceit.
Amy: Sheldon, women can wear makeup, it's not lying.
Sheldon: I was talking about Leonard. And if makeup is so truthful, why is it called "concealer"?

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: I can't wait to tell them.
Amy: No, you're not gonna tell them anything. You're gonna stay out of it.
Sheldon: Why?
Amy: Because it's between them.
Sheldon: Well, if you haven't noticed, I've been between them for the last ten years.

Quote from Stuart

Raj: As much as I appreciate this, I can't accept it. Okay? Halley's my goddaughter, I don't take care of her for money.
Stuart: I would.

Quote from Sheldon

Bernadette: Keep it. Consider it a gift.
Sheldon: Hold on. Is it back pay or is it a gift?
Bernadette: What's the difference?
Sheldon: When the IRS questions us in separate rooms, we need to have our stories straight.

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: You know what? I've gone 12 times. Maybe I'll sit out this year, too.
Penny: Really?
Leonard: Yeah. Maybe you and I can do something fun that weekend.
Penny: Ooh, how about white-water rafting?
Leonard: Oh, how about we compromise and go on the Small World ride at Disneyland?

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: I even said "off the chain mail," and she still wants to go.
Sheldon: That's probably my fault. She may have heard about my cool Dumbledore costume.

Quote from Bernadette

Bernadette: Howie, can you get that?
Howard: Kind of busy.
Bernadette: Busy like I'll be with the baby if you go to San Diego?

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: Okay, hold on, so if you don't want to go and I don't need to bring you, is everything good?
Penny: Hold on, I'm trying to decide if I'm mad at you. No, I'm happy I don't have to go.
Leonard: All right, problem solved.

Quote from Penny

Penny: (To Raj) Hey, if you're still looking to make money, I will pay you to burn that jacket.

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