Amy: All right, we can talk about something else.
Bernadette: It also quacks when you squeeze it. You should've seen Michael laugh. I think I have a video.
Amy: Or maybe we can't.

Leonard: I totally just saw what hotel he's staying at.
Howard: What are we waiting here for?
Leonard: For Penny to walk down the stairs, get in her car, and drive away.
Raj: Right, smart. ... Is that long enough?
Leonard: She's pretty quick, let's go.

Howard: We're not doing anything wrong. We're just hanging out in a hotel lobby. Plenty of people do that: businessmen, high-end prostitutes.
Raj: That's a fun new game, CEO or Ho.

Howard: Guys, guys, that's him. Be cool.
Raj: Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Howard: Cooler.
Raj: Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Bernadette: God. What's happening? I'm a smart, educated, successful...
Amy: "Woman"?
Bernadette: I was gonna get it.

Amy: Don't be so hard on yourself. Pregnancy and childbirth actually cause physical changes to the structure of your brain.
Bernadette: I liked the old structure of my brain. But then, I liked a lot of my old structures.

Sheldon: Oh. Hi, Leonard.
Leonard: Didn't you hear me yell "hold the door"?
Sheldon: I did. But you know what they say, "hold the door, get robbed some more."
Leonard: No one says that.
Sheldon: Oh. Well, they should, because it's true, and it rhymes.

Leonard: It's not an April Fools' joke, Sheldon. I actually went to a hotel and met him.
Sheldon: Right, right. Okay, so, uh, "Bill Gates" was at the "hotel" that you "went to."
Leonard: Why is "went to" in quotes?
Sheldon: Fine. So "Bill Gates" was at the "hotel" that you went to.

Sheldon: That's you and Bill Gates.
Leonard: It is.
Sheldon: Were you crying?
Leonard: No.

Sheldon: So, it wasn't a joke, and I actually could've met him?
Leonard: Well, he's probably still there.
Sheldon: (gasps) What hotel?
Leonard: The La Quinta Inn in Thousand Oaks, under the name Hernandez.
Sheldon: Thank you, thank you so much!
Leonard: April fools.

Penny: Well, as it turns out, there is a little reception for Mr. Gates tomorrow night. I asked if I could bring you, and they said yes.
Leonard: What?
Penny: Yeah, you get to meet Bill Gates again.
Leonard: Wait, what do you mean "again"?
Penny: 'Cause you met him that one time with your mom.
Leonard: Yes. And then again tomorrow, for a total of two, and only two times.
Penny: Yeah. I wonder if he'll remember you.
Leonard: Yeah, I wonder that, too.

Bernadette: The sun is losing about six times ten to the 12th grams per second, so the fraction of the mass it loses every year is about ten to the negative 13th. But don't worry. It'll be millions of years before we all freeze to death. Sweet dreams.

Bernadette: Evolution gave me this mom brain to focus on the baby, but I figure I can hack it to learn all kinds of new things.
Howard: Well, that's great.
Bernadette: Yeah. There was a problem, and I fixed it.
Howard: Like Bob the Builder in that giraffe cage.
Bernadette: Spoiler alert. I didn't see that one yet.

Howard: So that's fun. You get to meet Bill Gates again.
Leonard: It's not fun, I'm screwed.
Raj: It's fun for us.
Howard: Maybe he won't remember you.
Leonard: I snotted on his tie.
Raj: Yeah, you did, like, a lot.

Sheldon: Hello, Leonard. Thought I'd find you here. You snake.
Howard: What's going on?
Sheldon: He sent me all the way to Thousand Oaks to meet Bill Gates when he knew full well he wasn't staying there.
Raj: Wha-- Leonard, that's terrible.
Howard: Yeah, why would you do that? You know he's staying at the DoubleTree in Long Beach.
Sheldon: Aha! Wait. How do I know you're not tricking me?
Howard: We probably are.
Raj: But what if we're not?
Sheldon: You think you're so smart. You think I'm going to fall for it again, don't you? Well, I won't.
Leonard: Where you going?
Sheldon: Shut up.