Bill Gates : Wait, I know you.
Leonard: No, you don't.
Bill Gates : Yes, I do. You were waiting for me at my hotel. You ruined my tie.
Penny: Wait, what? What's he talking about?
Leonard: Uh, he, uh-- obviously, he's kidding. That's a, that's a good one, Bill. I got to go.

Howard: Why is your screen name "JohnWilliams"?
Raj: Uh, because I always score.

Bernadette: Evolution gave me this mom brain to focus on the baby, but I figure I can hack it to learn all kinds of new things.

Bernadette: Amy made me realize that new mothers are cognitively primed to take in new information, and I've been wasting it making up songs about our babies' toes.
Howard: To be fair, I cowrote "Pinky Toe, Pinky Toe."

Leonard: I believe they do text him. The-the Bat-Signal is linked to his phone via Bluetooth.
Howard: Has that been in the comics?
Leonard: No, it's just what I believe.

Bernadette: When's he coming?
Penny: Uh, he gets in on Sunday, and Monday morning, I'm gonna give him a tour of the labs and offices.
Sheldon: Oh. He gets in on Sunday, April first? (chuckles) Nice try, Penny.
Penny: What're you talking about?
Sheldon: April Fools' Day. This is another one of your classic pranks you try to pull on me every year.
Penny: Literally never pulled a prank on you.
Sheldon: Oh, really? What about last year, when you sent me that e-mail with the photo attached, but you didn't attach a photo.
Penny: That was a mistake.
Sheldon: Messing with me? Yes, it was. And this year, I am not falling for it.

Leonard: Well, I'm-I'm just saying, what are you gonna do when he wants to talk about high-level language interpreters for microcomputers?
Penny: What are high-level language interpreters for microcomputers? A way of programming computers using words and commands instead of binary code.
Penny: Oh. That's actually kind of interesting. Tell me more.
Leonard: Oh, well-
Penny: That, I'll do that.
Leonard: I didn't even see it coming.
Penny: You never do.

Bernadette: Bye, my babies, I love you.
Stuart: (high-pitched) We love you, too, Mommy.
Bernadette: Yeah, don't do that.

Amy: Where you off to?
Stuart: El parque.
Amy: El parque?
Stuart: I'm learning Spanish so I can talk to the other nannies.
Amy: How's that going?
Stuart: Bueno.
Amy: Good?
Stuart: Oh. No bueno.

Bernadette: Can I get you anything? Juice box? 'nanas?
Amy: 'nanas?
Bernadette: Sorry. Mom brain. I think I've forgot how to talk to grown-ups. I meant Ba-nanas.

Amy: You want to take a break and maybe get something to eat?
Bernadette: Sure.
Amy: Why does it not feel like we're going?
Bernadette: Hang on, I-I just want to see if Bob can fix it. (chuckles) Yes, he can!

Sheldon: I folded your laundry for you. You're welcome.
Penny: Uh, that's not mine.
Sheldon: You're saying that these aren't yours?
Penny: No.
Sheldon: So you're saying that I'm touching a stranger's underpants?
Penny: Yes.
Sheldon: And just like that, it's the worst day of my life.

Sheldon: I just need you to tell me the truth. This is driving me crazy.
Penny: Sheldon, he is really coming.
Sheldon: Is he?
Penny: He is.
Sheldon: Really?
Penny: Yeah.
Sheldon: Well, now I don't know what to believe!

Bernadette: Thanks for getting me out of the house. I feel like my brain is turning to mush.
Amy: Happy to help.
Bernadette: Did I show you the video of the kids sitting?
Amy: Yes, you texted it to me at 3:00 a.m. Thought someone was either in jail or dead.
Bernadette: I'm sorry.
Amy: No, no, i-it gave me something to watch while I tried to go back to sleep.

Bernadette: You know what? I don't want to be one of those moms who can only talk about her kids.
Amy: Okay, well, I'm reading a pretty good book. It's the untold story of female artists during the Renaissance.
Bernadette: Oh, I'm in the middle of a book, too. It's three pages long and floats in the bath.