Sheldon: Wow! You look beautiful.
Amy: Really? 'Cause I was gonna return it.
Sheldon: Why would you return it? You look like a pile of swans.

Penny: What if you asked for $20 million?
Sheldon: I'm sorry, I'm trying to do science, not hire Lady Gaga to come to my birthday.
Penny: Do you even know who Lady Gaga is?
Sheldon: Presumably, the wife of Lord Gaga.

Sheldon: So with this level of high-power laser array, we would actually be able to solve the black hole information paradox once and for all.
President Siebert: That's impressive, and how much funding were you looking for?
Sheldon: $20 million.
President Siebert: Really? You think you can build that for $20 million?
Sheldon: Not a chance.
President Siebert: I'm sorry, then why are you asking me for it?
Sheldon: Because once you've spent $20 million, you're much more likely to give me an additional 50.
President Siebert: So actually, what you're saying is with $70 million, you can build this.
Sheldon: I can see why you'd think that, but no. You can't go to the board of trustees and say you gave Sheldon Cooper $70 million and have nothing to show for it. No, the only way you'd be able to save face is to double down.
President Siebert: So 140?
Sheldon: And then double again.
President Siebert: 280?
Sheldon: And then - good news - not quite double again. So, uh, what do you say? We have a deal?

Penny: Well, do you know how that makes me look?
Bernadette: Uh, that's an easy one: bad.
Penny: Well, why didn't you tell her that you didn't like the dress, either? I mean, what happened to our united front?
Bernadette: I'm sorry. Is this your first day being a girl?

Sheldon: This is it.
Pit Boss: Is everything okay, sir?
Sheldon: Oh. Hi. It's better than okay. I am a physicist, and I have been observing this wheel for hours and running a chi-square analysis, which is how I know that the ball is far more likely to land on 32, 17 or five. So if you could hold off on replacing this wheel, I'd like to make several large bets.
Pit Boss: Well, good for you. Pelican.
Sheldon: What's pelican?
Pit Boss: Sir, would you come with us?
Sheldon: Oh, no. I have to place my bet first. This is for science. [carried away by security]
Croupier: 17 black.
Sheldon: No! No!

Sheldon: But I need it. It's the only way to settle the contradictions between gravity and quantum mechanics.
Penny: Well, it's too much money, you can't ask for that all at once.
Sheldon: Well, what if I ask for it in six easy installments of $83,333,333.33?

Penny: Boy, you know, when Sheldon sees you in that dress, he's gonna want to methodically take it off, fold it up, carefully place it in a storage box, label it, and then ravish you.

Sheldon: And look at the cool incentives I'm offering.
Leonard: "For $50,000, I will examine your diet and create a customized bathroom schedule." That's fitting, 50 grand down the toilet.

Sheldon: Well, how about this? For $100,000, I will design the flag of your house or apartment. And for $1 million, I will come over and tell you what's wrong with you.
Leonard: Aw, and all these years, I've been getting that for free.
Sheldon: Don't be smug, Leonard. That's one of the things that's wrong with you.

Amy: Sheldon, you know, Penny's got a point. Sometimes when you want something big from someone, you-you got to be careful not to scare them away, you know? You got to start small and-and build up slowly, even if it takes eight years. Eight long years.
Sheldon: That's oddly specific. Have you ever done that?
Amy: Nope.

Penny: This is just to give you ideas. You know, do-do you want something simple and elegant? I mean, do you want a train?
Sheldon: [entering the apartment] Ooh, we're talking about trains.
Amy: Not the kind of trains you like.
Sheldon: Oh, I like all kinds of trains: steam, diesel, coal, elevated, bullet. I defy you to name a train that I don't like.
Penny: The kind on the back of a wedding dress?
Sheldon: I did not see that coming. Good job.

Amy: Sheldon, they're not gonna give you half a billion dollars. I mean, they won't even give me that much and I keep promising I can make people's brains "grow younger".
Penny: Can you?
Amy: (whispering) No. Shh.

Hostess: Would you like some champagne?
Bernadette: Oh, thank you.
Penny: Thanks.
Hostess: Sure.
Bernadette: This is nice.
Penny: What? Helping Amy find a dress or day drinking?
Bernadette: It's just nice, okay?

Penny: Amy, oh, my God.
Bernadette: You look so beautiful.
Amy: I feel beautiful. And look, both clavicles. Take that, Mom.
Bernadette: You know what they say: if you got 'em, flaunt 'em.

Amy: Is it possible that the very first dress is the dress?
Penny: Oh, don't be silly. You can't buy the first dress you try on. That'd be like marrying the first guy that you- You can't buy the first dress you try on.