Leonard: Uh, hold on, I'm not just gonna hand out money. There's a procedure you need to follow.
Sheldon: I believe he's referring to the traditional "kissing of the buttocks."
Howard: Should we form a line, or just do it like we're bobbing for apples?

Barry Kripke: Hofstadter! Heard Siebert put you in charge of the administrative fund. Can't think of a better guy for the job.
Sheldon: I think he's done this before.

Leonard: No, I'm not going to reconsider. Your request was denied. I don't care if it helps you think; you don't need a koi pond in your office. Well, you should have thought about that before you bought the koi!
Penny: Wow. That was a little rough.
Leonard: Well, I have to be. Everyone assumes I'm just gonna give them whatever they want.
Penny: Hmm. But you're not, are you?
Leonard: No, I'm not. I mean, look at this. An espresso machine? I don't think so. Denied!
Penny: Wow, I really like this side of you.
Leonard: Really?
Penny: Yeah, just so decisive.
Leonard: Well, check this out. A standing desk. Denied!
Penny: Oh!
Leonard: If you want to stand, do it on your own time, 'cause I'm the boss.
Penny: Yeah, you are.

Sheldon: Leonard, I just wanted to congratulate you on how well you are managing this grant money.
Leonard: What do you want?
Sheldon: Nothing. I just came by to pay you a compliment.
Leonard: Nice try. The answer's no.
Sheldon: To what? I'm not asking you for anything. All I need for my job is right here.
Hmm? This is my office. Which makes for a great commute. Home, work, home. I'm still working, I'm just working from home.
Penny: You know, if it's that easy, then why does Leonard have to drive you to work every day?
Sheldon: Because I like the frozen yogurt machine in the cafeteria. Ooh, I suppose I could use a frozen yogurt machine-
Leonard: Denied!

Bernadette: It's just that work's been crazy, and the minute I get home, I have two kids hanging on me, and sometimes I don't want babies pulling my hair and pinching my belly fat.
Penny: That'd be a good slogan for a condom company.

Doctor Lee: Oh, Dr. Hofstadter, did you have a chance to look over my proposal?
Leonard: I did, and your research is fascinating. I had no idea that crows were that smart. Do they really hold grudges?
Doctor Lee: They do. One of them escaped from my behavioral study a year ago. I can't prove it's him, but something craps on my car every day.

Penny: Someone's making decisions.
Leonard: I'm reviewing these proposals.
Penny: Yeah. 'Cause you're the boss man, telling people what's what. I like it.
Leonard: (whining) It's just so hard! All-all three of these proposals have merit. How do I choose?
Penny: Well, not with that voice.

Penny: I'm just running some errands.
Amy: Yeah? With a bag full of wine?
Penny: I got to stay hydrated.
Amy: Try again.
Penny: Okay, look, I'm sorry. We did not mean to leave you out. All right? Bernadette has been feeling fried at home, so we ended up hanging out in Halley's playhouse.
Amy: Like a secret club?
Penny: No! Just, like, a place to spend time that we don't tell anyone else about.
Amy: And what would be a shorter way of saying that?
Penny: (quietly) Secret club.

Amy: I'm in a secret club! Shh! Is there some sort of humiliating initiation? 'Cause I would literally do anything.

Leonard: Sorry. I'm distracted.
Sheldon: Ooh, aren't you the hustler.
Leonard: No matter who I give the funds to, someone is gonna be upset with me.
Sheldon: Do you really care if people are angry at you?
Leonard: Of course.
Sheldon: Interesting. Why don't you go to the store and get me some tapioca pudding or I'm gonna be angry at you.
Leonard: No.
Sheldon: So it comes and goes?

Leonard: Wait, you can make this decision. You don't care if you upset people. You can pick for me.
Sheldon: I certainly could.
Leonard: Oh, great.
Sheldon: But I won't. I think this is a learning opportunity for you.
Leonard: Sheldon, come on.
Sheldon: Oh, I'm sorry. Did I upset you?
Leonard: Yes.
Sheldon: Ask me how I feel about that.

Bernadette: So where does Leonard think you are?
Penny: Oh, I told him I was at yoga.
Amy: Well, you are stretching the truth.

Raj: Hey, don't freak out, but I think there's someone in your playhouse.
Howard: Oh. Yeah, that's just Bernadette. She's been hiding out in there all week.
Raj: Really? Why?
Howard: I don't know. She's been a little overwhelmed at work. And, frankly, me and the kids are a lot. She just needs some downtime.
Raj: And you just pretend like you don't know?
Howard: Sure. That's how marriage works. Three years ago, I told her I got life insurance, and I totally didn't. (laughs) Someday, she's gonna find out. I'm gonna say, "Ha-ha! I know you've been hiding in the playhouse."
Raj: Why don't you just get the life insurance?
Howard: Whose side are you on?

[in the playhouse:]
Amy: Can you hear what they're saying?
Bernadette: Shh, I'm trying.
(cork pops)
[in the hot tub:]
Howard: Huh. Sounds like Penny's in there, too.

Sheldon: Interesting. What about not wanting everybody to be mad at you?
Leonard: Well, I realized that, no matter what decision I made, people were gonna be mad at me. And this way, I get a laser.
Sheldon: That is the most selfish thing you've ever done. I'm proud of you.
Leonard: And I don't care.
Sheldon: Yes, you do.
Leonard: Yeah, I do.