Leonard: The europium laser is so cool. It has a four-level f-f transition which provides for high power output, and its quantum efficiency is off the charts.
Sheldon: What are you going to use it for?
Leonard: I have no idea.
Sheldon: Leonard, there's a crow on your roof.
Leonard: I see it.
Sheldon: Is that one of Dr. Lee's crows?
Leonard: It has a tag on its leg.
Sheldon: Don't make any sudden moves.
Leonard: Smart. Let's stand perfectly still and-
Sheldon: [running away] He's the one you want!

Bernadette: Hey, Howie, can you give me a hand? I need to get some work done, and the kids are climbing all over me.
Raj: You know what? I'll watch them.
Bernadette: You sure?
Sheldon: But I was just about to tell everyone why they're called Pennsylvania Dutch when they really hail from Germany.
Raj: Yep.

Howard: So, what do you think? Pretty cool, huh? And when our kids outgrow it, we can Airbnb it to other people's babies.
Bernadette: Funny.
Howard: You all right? Sorry, I haven't had a second to myself. So let me just go back inside, finish my report, brush my teeth, change out of my pajamas, make a sandwich, and then I'll come out here and laugh at your joke.
Howard: Ooh. As long as you're making sandwiches- You can laugh at that one later, too.

Leonard: Thank you. I'll get started right away.
President Siebert: And I look forward to hearing nothing about it.
Leonard: I will keep you posted.

Howard: Hey, thank you guys again for helping out yesterday.
Raj: No problem. That was really fun.
Sheldon: It was fun. But I am sore.
Howard: You didn't lift a finger.
Sheldon: No, but I narrated the entire event, and I am paying for it today.

Leonard: Gentlemen.
Raj: Hey.
Sheldon: Hi.
Howard: Leonard, do I detect a little swagger in your step?
Leonard: Mm, possibly.
Sheldon: Well, stop. It doesn't suit you.

Leonard: Cute, but President Siebert trusted me with this, and I'm taking it seriously. If you have a legitimate request, you can submit it to me in writing, and I'll evaluate it based on its merits.
Howard: Sure, sure. Is "Jet Ski" one word or two?

Bernadette: Bad news, Howie. I'm gonna be stuck at work for a while. Oh, that's terrible.
Hang in there. I'll be home as soon as I can. (sighs) He deserves better.

Penny: Oh, you should have seen him, denying things left and right. It was so sexy. 'Course, I made a request he did not deny.
Bernadette: Uh-huh.
Penny: Are you listening to me?
Bernadette: Yeah, sure. You slept with your husband.

Penny: What is going on with you?
Bernadette: It's not a big thing. Have you ever told Leonard a little white lie?
Penny: Mm. Well, he thinks I've seen every one of the Star Wars movies, but I've really only seen the one with the gold robot.
Bernadette: That could be any of them.
Penny: Exactly.

Bernadette: I've been telling Howie that I've had to work late the past couple nights, but really, I've just been hiding out in Howie's playhouse. Does that make me awful?
Penny: Awful? No. Uh, strange? Yes. Sad? A little, yes.

Penny: So, you go home and sit alone in a toy house in the backyard?
Bernadette: Yeah!

Leonard: Well, l-look, I only have enough money to fund one request, but your project is definitely in the running.
Doctor Lee: Okay, but, uh, when do you think you might make a decision? Because I have to upgrade their cages before they learn how to open the locks. When I came in to my lab this morning, they suddenly got silent. I think they're planning something.

Barry Kripke: Whoa, whoa, whoa! So you're just gonna give the money to your friend? I smell a rat.
Doctor Lee: I work with rats, too. That might be me.

Leonard: I'm not just giving it to my friend, Barry. Your proposal is also in the mix.
Howard: Wait, so those are the three? You're not even considering mine? Why, because they're PhDs and I'm just an engineer?
Leonard: No, because they wrote detailed proposals, and you sent a YouTube clip of the guy from Jerry Maguire saying, "Show me the money!"