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Quotes from ‘The Change Constant’

The Change Constant

The Change Constant
Season 12, Episode 23 - Aired May 16, 2019

Sheldon and Amy await big news, on the series finale of The Big Bang Theory.

Quote from Leonard

Penny: Well should we wake him up?
Leonard: Well, he did say if he fell asleep, we were allowed to slap him awake.
Penny: Oh, boy.
Leonard: Wait a minute. Why do you get to do it?
Penny: 'Cause I called it.
Leonard: Well, you can't just call it. You have to earn it.
Penny: Oh, and you've earned it?
Leonard: No one has earned it more than me. [Amy clears her throat] You have your whole life to smack him around. This is my time.

Quote from Barry Kripke

Sheldon: It's happening! [phone chimes] Unknown caller. It's got to be them.
Amy: Okay, put it on speaker.
Sheldon: Hello?
Amy: Hi.
Barry Kripke: Hello. This is Sweden calling. Is this Dr. Cooper and Dr. Fowler?
Sheldon: Yes.
Amy: Yeah.
Barry Kripke: Congratulations. It is my pleasure to inform you that you've won the Nobel Prize in being suckers!

Quote from Sheldon

Amy: Oh. That's me. Hello? Yes, this is Dr. Fowler. I see. Okay, thank you. We won.
Penny: Congratulations!
Leonard: Oh, my God!
Sheldon: We did it.
Amy: I know. Can you believe it?
Sheldon: That's a good point. What if I'm dreaming? [Leonard slaps Sheldon] We won the Nobel Prize!

Quote from Sheldon

Amy: It's weird. I don't really feel different, but I guess our lives will never be the same.
Sheldon: Oh, I don't know. We're going to work like always. I still put my pants on both legs at a time.
Amy: One day that's gonna end very badly.

Quote from Penny

Leonard: Sheldon, that was really rude.
Sheldon: I'm sorry. Amy is the one constant I can count on, and now she's changing.
Leonard: It's just a haircut and some clothes.
Sheldon: No, it's the last straw! I can't take any more! [elevator bell dings]
Penny: Can you believe it? They finally fixed the elevator.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: How did you get down here?
Penny: The elevator. It's really fast.
Sheldon: I-I need to be alone right now. Don't try to follow me.
Penny: All right. You need a ride?
Sheldon: That'd be great. Thank you.

Quote from Amy

Amy: I should've seen this coming.
Raj: Oh, stop. You're allowed to get a haircut.
Amy: I know. But I should've done it gradually. You know, like maybe 300 tiny haircuts over a ten-year period.

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: Okay, you need to focus on the positive. You won a Nobel Prize. I slapped Sheldon. A lot of dreams came true today.

Quote from Penny

Penny: So, I guess the only thing that actually stays the same is that things are always changing.
Sheldon: Interesting. So you're saying the inevitability of change might be a universal constant.
Penny: Well, there's a little more to it than that, but, yeah, sure.

Quote from Amy

Penny: Sheldon?
Sheldon: Mm, absolutely not, no. The Nobel committee will be making the calls to inform the winners at any minute, so the only drug I need is the endorphins pumping through my brain in anticipation of our victory.
Amy: Well, technically, anticipation wouldn't be mediated by endorphins as much as dopamine, but, you know, you've been up all night, so I'll give you that one. [Amy looks and sees Sheldon is asleep] Really? The second he stops talking?

Quote from Sheldon

Penny: All right, now what?
Sheldon: Oh, why don't we play a game to pass the time? Here. Uh, I am thinking of a number. Hint: it's a cube of a cube of a prime.
Leonard: There's an infinite number of possibilities.
Sheldon: What, you got somewhere to be?

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: And how does it feel to be married to a Nobel Prize winner?
Amy: You tell me.
Sheldon: Oh. Amy-centric. What a fun way to look at it.
Amy: I think so.
Sheldon: You would. That makes sense.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: It's a congratulations text from my meemaw. [phone vibrates] Ooh. Oh, and there's one from my mom. [phone vibrates] And my sister. [phone vibrates] Oh, and my brother. [phone vibrates] And my brother's ex-wife. [phone vibrates] My brother's other ex-wife. Boy, they don't tell you when you win a Nobel it chews up your phone battery.

President Siebert: Hey, fellas. Can you do me a favor?
Raj: Do we have a choice?
President Siebert: Ha-ha! No. Sheldon and Amy are now officially superstars, and the press will be reaching out to their family and friends for comment.
So that we're all on the same page, the word we're gonna use to describe them is "quirky." And not quirky. More like quirky.
Howard: So not Mr. and Mrs. Wackadoodle?
President Siebert: Ho-ho-ho! You bitter, envious little man.

[Sheldon and Amy arrive to a round of applause]
Amy: Thank you so much.
[Sheldon turns and walks away]
President Siebert: And what do we call that?
Leonard, Howard and Raj: Quirky.

Quote from Howard

Reporter: Dr. Cooper, can I get a minute of your time? Hello?
Howard: Hey. Can I help you?
Reporter: Uh, yeah, actually. Um, I had an appointment to interview Dr. Cooper about the Nobel.
Howard: Hang on a second. Sheldon? [Howard enters Sheldon's office, finds him hiding behind his desk and shaking his head] Sorry, he's not here.
Reporter: Damn. I've got a deadline.
Howard: I don't know if it helps you at all, but I'm his best friend in the whole world.
Reporter: Really?
Howard: And an astronaut. Come on, you can buy me a cup of coffee, and I'll tell you about both.

Quote from Amy

Amy: Sounds expensive.
Raj: Excuse me, i-if I'm not mistaken, the Nobel comes with a substantial cash prize. What were you gonna spend it on?
Amy: Hadn't really thought about it. Sheldon's got his eyes on some new Dockers.

Quote from Howard

Bernadette: Please, that doesn't make you his best friend.
Howard: You know, that reporter asked me if I could put him in touch with Amy's best friend.
Bernadette: That's Penny.
Howard: [singsongy:] Doesn't have to be.

Quote from Penny

Sheldon: This is a nightmare.
Penny: What's with him?
Leonard: He won a Nobel Prize, and his wife looks amazing.
Penny: Oh. Yeah, got it.

Quote from Raj

Amy: You know, you're right. This is a huge day for me, and I'm allowed to enjoy it without worrying how it's going to affect my husband.
Raj: Is it me or did it just get fierce in here?

Quote from Sheldon

Penny: You know, you go on and on about wanting things to stay the same, but you've changed a lot since I met you.
Sheldon: Oh, you are a mean drunk.

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: I'm done enabling him. Like, this is his spot and-and the thermostat has to be set to his comfort level, even though he doesn't even live here anymore and I'm always chilly.
Raj: Is that why you wear a hoodie all the time?
Leonard: Why would-- Yes! To accommodate Sheldon! And what-what about this-this thing? Why is it here? I'll tell you why. Because it was here when I moved in, and, for no earthly reason, he forbade me to touch it.
Amy: Well, if you don't like it, get rid of it. Put it in the closet.
Leonard: You know what, I will. [Leonard tries to move the helix structure. Lots of little beads fall off and come crashing to the floor]
Raj: I bet that's the reason.

Quote from Sheldon

Penny: Hang on. What do you think? Want to give it a try? [elevator bell dings]
Sheldon: Well, you know, the elevator did work when I moved into the building. So going up and down the stairs was a change, which means this would actually be a return to the status quo. But, conversely, I think-
Penny: Get in!
[the elevator door closes]
Sheldon: This is wild.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Six times ten to the eighth atoms, Of a radium in a lead jar, Six times ten to the eighth atoms of radium, If the half-life of radium should happen to pass, Three times ten to the eighth atoms, Of a radium in a lead jar.
Penny: Really hope you're almost to zero.
Sheldon: No, see, that's the beauty of half-lives: it's impossible to determine when you'll arrive at zero. It's like "Wheels on the Bus" if the bus had an unknowable number of parts.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: You know, when you think about it, now that we're Nobel Prize winners, our names will be linked together forever.
Amy: We're married. Our names are already linked together forever.
Sheldon: Oh, please. That's just a piece of paper. This is a piece of paper and a medal.

Quote from Leonard

Amy: Yeah, we're gonna need more coffee.
Penny: Yep, I'm with you. Leonard, coffee?
Leonard: Black and strong, like Luke Cage.
Penny: I'm too tired to even be disturbed by that.

Quote from Leonard

Penny: Fine. Don't miss.
Leonard: It's not a volleyball. I can handle it.

Quote from Leonard

Penny: Oh, wait. Hang on. When you're old, you are gonna want a record of this.
Leonard: Oh, oh, yeah. Do it in slo-mo. I want to see his cheeks ripple.

Quote from Bernadette

Sheldon: What do you want, Howard?
Howard: We were just calling to see if you'd heard yet.
Sheldon: We haven't.
Amy: But thank you for getting up so early to call. That was very thoughtful.
Bernadette: Oh, please. We have two little kids. We've been up for an hour.

Quote from Howard

Howard: Did anyone get to slap Sheldon?
Leonard: No.

Quote from Amy

Amy: Oh, that's me. It's CVS. My prescription's ready. [phone vibrates] Oh, and also my dad. He says congratulations and he loves me.
Sheldon: Nothing about me? [phone vibrates] Oh. Oh, it's your dad. I'm good.

Quote from Amy

Reporter #1: Congratulations. How does it feel?
Amy: Okay, w-we're happy to answer your questions, Just, um, one at a time, please?
Reporter #3: Is Dr. Cooper coming back?
Amy: No. Next question.

Quote from Leonard

Raj: Was it your left hand or your right hand?
Leonard: Right. Spit actually flew out of his mouth.

Quote from Raj

Amy: Raj, please, not now.
Raj: Hey, what's wrong?
Amy: My picture's all over the Internet, and I look terrible.
Raj: No. Let me see. Well, that is an unfortunate angle. But who cares? You just won the Nobel. You should be proud of this moment.
Amy: I know I shouldn't care about how I look, and I never thought I did. It-It's stupid and shallow, but I just can't help it. Am I really this frumpy?
Raj: No. No, you are a beautiful woman. By the way, if you're not happy with those pictures, then make some changes. Get a haircut, new clothes, new glasses, big glasses - No glasses, then you won't be able to see those pictures.

Quote from Raj

Raj: Come on. Do something for yourself.
Amy: Well, I suppose I could get a haircut.
Raj: And some makeup and a new wardrobe and a little thank you gift for your shopping buddy if we see something he likes. Come on.
Amy: Where are we going?
Raj: Beverly Hills, where the things he likes are.

Quote from Bernadette

Howard: Dinner ready?
Bernadette: Not unless you cooked.

Quote from Howard

Bernadette: Why is this article about Sheldon all about you?
Howard: Let me see. Oh, good, they used my NASA picture.
Bernadette: Why does it say that you're his best friend? Leonard's his best friend.
Howard: No. Leonard has always been kind of a monkey butler. Whenever Sheldon got into a scrape, I was his go-to guy.
Bernadette: When did he get into a scrape?
Howard: You're kidding, right? W-- Remember when he had a panic attack 'cause his hand got stuck in a jar of olives? I was the one who told him to let go of the olives.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Hmm. What kind of tea is appropriate for winning a Nobel Prize and now everything is changing and you feel unmoored from reality?
Leonard: I don't know. Earl Grey?
Sheldon: You know, this is something I've wanted my whole life. But I guess I never considered how everything would be different.
Leonard: Buddy, I-I know it all feels overwhelming right now, but I promise you, things will settle down.
Sheldon: There's no Earl Grey! You filthy liar!

Quote from Leonard

Raj: Hey, is Penny here?
Leonard: No. Why?
Raj: I wanted to show her my latest creation. I give you Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler.
Leonard: Wow. Amy, you look amazing.
Amy: Thank you. Sheldon, what do you think?
Sheldon: I like you better the way you were.
Raj: But she looks beautiful! Classic lines, colors that complement her skin tone, and hair that goes from "office" to "on the town" in minutes.
Sheldon: I don't care. Put it back.
Amy: I like the way I look.
Sheldon: Well, I don't! [Sheldon storms out]
Leonard: My fault. I was out of Earl Grey.

Quote from Penny

Sheldon: All this change is just too much. The reporters, the attention at work, and now even Amy's changed. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Slow down.
Penny: I'm playing a drinking game. Every time you say the word "change," I take a slug.
Sheldon: Are you gonna be able to drive me home?
Penny: Mm. Not unless you change the subject. Huh. Now I said it. Meh.

Quote from Sheldon

Penny: You know, you're the only person who could win the biggest prize in science and still be upset about it.
Sheldon: It's just all the times I thought about winning, I never thought about how it would ch-- affect my life. I'm sorry, I'm genuinely concerned about your liver.

Quote from Sheldon

Penny: I'm serious. You have a ton of friends, you got married, moved into a new apartment, you wore a baseball hat that one time. Heck, you've had sex almost as many times as I have fingers.
Sheldon: More.
Penny: W-
Sheldon: By this many.
Penny: You dog!
Sheldon: It was the Avengers trailer.

Quote from Penny

Penny: You know, I've grown, too. I used to be the bartender back there.
Sheldon: That's true. And now there is a completely different woman who botched my drink order. How hard is 65% Coke, 35% Diet Coke?
Penny: Well, judging by the look on her face, it's at least one percent saliva.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: But I do take your point. You know, you're also married, you have a successful career, you no longer dress like you're trying to attract sailors by the wharf.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Oh. Hey, look, that's Bernadette.
Bernadette: [on CNN:] I can't tell you how many times Dr. Fowler was gonna give up and I would say to her, "Amy, as your best friend, I'm not gonna let you quit."
Penny: Okay, I'm drinking again.
Sheldon: I'll join you. Waitress, uh, 95% Hawaiian Punch, five percent vodka.
Howard: [on CNN:] Let me tell you about the time Mr. Nobel Laureate wanted olives.
Bernadette: [on CNN:] This is a good one.
Sheldon: You know what, 90/10!

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