Mrs. Wolowitz: Howard, help, my hand's stuck in the garbage disposal.
Howard: Let go of whatever piece of food you're holding.
Mrs. Wolowitz: Are you kidding? It's a perfectly good chicken leg.

Wil Wheaton: Problem, first time director?

Sheldon: Amy deserves better. You know, when we buy the Planter's deluxe mix, she eats all the Brazil nuts so I don't have to look at them. She's a unique blend of saint and squirrel.

Wil Wheaton: Listen, Sheldon. I'm really happy to do this for you, but not if she's going to be a huge pain in the ass the whole time.

Amy: And action.
Wil Wheaton: And cut! You realize I'm doing this for free, right?
Amy: Yes, and so far we're still not getting our money's worth.

Sheldon: Someday scientists will discover that second X chromosome contains nothing but nonsense and twaddle.

Sheldon: Ooh, now that is a treat that's hard to beat. Get the Mad Hatter on the horn. I'm having a tea party!

Sheldon: *knock knock knock* Amy.
*knock knock knock* Amy
*knock knock knock* Angry Amy.

Sheldon: Eat one of your Luna bars. Very often when women think they're angry, they're really just hungry.

Raj: Wow. An end of an era.
Howard: Boy, if these walls could talk.
Leonard: They'd say, why does he touch himself so much?
Howard: Yeah.

Bernadette: No husband of mine is gonna break his mother's heart!

Sheldon: I'll be right back. Feel free to play with yourself.

Howard: All right, I've had enough of this. I'm a grown man, I have a successful career, for the love of God, I've been to space. I will move out when I'm ready, and I don't need anyone badgering me into it.
Penny: Wow, excuse me.
Howard: That was just for her benefit. I'll move tomorrow. I love you. Don't leave me.

Howard: I remember when I was five, hiding under this desk with all my Halloween candy. Had some Peanut M&Ms, went into my first anaphylactic shock and had to be rushed to the hospital. Came home, celebrated with a Snickers, went into my second anaphylactic shock.
Raj: When did you figure out you were allergic to nuts?
Howard: Sometime around the third Almond Joy.

Leonard: Okay. You want to start loading this stuff into the truck?
Howard: Yeah, I guess. Hey, would you do me a favor? Go on ahead. I just want one last moment alone in my old room.
Leonard: We're not standing outside by the U-Haul while you fondle yourself.
Howard: Fine, let's go.