Penny: You locked them in your basement?
Dr. Lorvis: Well, they're not locked in. The door just sticks.
Penny: Okay, so how do they unstick it?
Dr. Lorvis: They'd need the key.

Penny: Okay, you can't just go chasing after every girl who's nice to you.
Dr. Lorvis: Well, that's not what Sheldon says, and he seems to know his way around the ladies.

Leonard: Wow, Donkey Kong. This was my game when I was a kid.
Sheldon: Because it's a story of a pretty blonde girl tirelessly pursued by a small oddly-shaped man?

Sheldon: Delivery men are the unsung heroes of our nation's commerce. It's because of people like you that people like me can limit our human contact. I'd shake your hand but, well, you know.

Penny: Doc, you've got see what you're doing is a little creepy.
Dr. Lorvis: You sound just like Sigourney Weaver when I followed her into a restroom.

Raj: Maybe he's playing bingo with his mommy?
Howard: Sad how some guys just can't cut the apron strings.
Raj: Okay, now you're messing with me.

Sheldon: Leonard, I was wrong. Heaven does exist. And it's in the basement of a urologist's house in Sherman Oaks.

Sheldon: Hold on, Dr. Leonard, where are your social skills? This man is clearly upset. We should invite him in for a hot beverage.
Leonard: He tried to score with Penny.
Sheldon: So have these two and they're having dinner with us.

Dr. Lorvis: Can I ask you a question? You're a guy like me, how'd you get a girl like Penny?
Leonard: Well, just being myself really.
Sheldon: Oh please. I'll tell you how he did it. Implacable relentless badgering. In urology terms, he was a drug-resistant staph infection and she was a urethra that could not shake him.
Leonard: I don't know that I'd call myself an infection.
Howard: A gallant man would defend his fiance for being called a urethra.

Penny: You know, maybe if fashion magazines had female scientists in them, I would have become a theoretical physicist. Stop smirking at each other!

Howard: How'd you get that?
Dr. Lorvis: Easy. Gene Rodenberry needed a vasectomy.
Sheldon: You've snipped Gene Rodenberry's vas deferens?
Dr. Lorvis: Yes.
Howard: Wow, you really went where no man has gone before.

Bernadette: Please don't go. Up until my vicious attack, you were the one in the wrong.

Dr. Lorvis: Welcome to my fortress of solitude. This is where I go to get away from all my other solitude.

Howard: Still lives with his mom? Yikes, right?
Raj: Yeah, I'm not quite sure how to respond.

Dr. Lorvis: I met her at my office. She winked at me. And I came hoping to initiate a romantic relationship.
Leonard: I'm pretty sure she didn't wink at you.
Dr. Lorvis: Oh, she did. Seductively, like this. And then she touched my arm for two Mississippis.

Dr. Lorvis: I was hoping to impress her by tracking her down on the Internet and then showing up announced at her door.
Sheldon: Making the extra effort. Good for you.

Sheldon: I bet you leave your patients in stitches. *Silence* That was also humorous.
Dr. Lorvis: All right.

Dr. Lorvis: I'm not a delivery man. I'm a doctor. Although I do often deliver alarming medical results to my patients.
Sheldon: That's humorous.
Dr. Lorvis: All right.

Amy: I simply pointed out that they would never consider doing an article ranking male scientists on their sexuality. Let alone showing them in various stages of undress.
Bernadette: Because no one wants to see Neil deGrasse Tyson in a wet t-shirt bent over the hood of a Porsche.

Bernadette: So what are you working on these days?
Amy: I'm studying one-celled organisms to try and find the neurochemicals that lead to the feeling of shame.
Bernadette: What would a one-celled organism have to feel ashamed about?
Penny: Same as all of us. Getting out of a car without underwear.